The Pizza Marathon
by Jedi Goat
Summary: AU. A peek into the random, coffee filled, pizza obsessed life of the Skywalker family.
1. PIZZA PARTY!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, the coca-cola industry, Coffee Time ads or 'Party for Two' by Shania Twain

Author's Note: In this story, pretty much every character from the prequels lives. This happens five years after Revenge of the Sith. Anakin is still a Jedi, even though everyone knows he is married to Padmé and has twins. Ferus never left the Jedi, Obi-Wan has the Padawan hairstyle, and Padmé is still a Senator. And, for some reason, no one knows that Palpatine is a Sith, even though it is blatantly obvious. Also, Anakin loves pizza and Luke has a strange obsessing with coffee.

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**Chapter 1: PIZZA PARTY!**

Life was as normal as it got at the Skywalker home, nestled between two towers on Coruscant. Padmé was out at a Senate meeting. Luke was his strange, coffee-obsessed self, while Anakin was chowing down on pizza. Leia sat on the couch, reading a book on the history of the coca-cola industry. She paid no attention to the loud thumping coming from upstairs, knowing that her mother would deal with it when she returned in a few minutes. Padmé would come home to discover her home in ruins – or at least the bedroom.

Up in the bedroom, Luke and Anakin were jumping on the bed. Luke was tossing handfuls of coffee beans into the air like some insane version of the Easter Bunny. Anakin, meanwhile, was eating his 500th slice of pizza. Empty boxes littered the floor around the bed.

They had turned the stereo up so loud that the windows shook with each note. Either that, or because of the velocity at which the two Jedi were bouncing.

"I'm having a PARTY! DUN DUN DUN!" Anakin cried as he jumped. "MAN, I love this song!"

"WHOOP WHOOP DING!" Luke replied giddily.

Suddenly, the two of them froze. Somehow over the booming music they had heard the click of the lock indicating Padmé's return from the Senate.

Moving at light speed, Anakin raced around the room, pulling out his Shania Twain CD from the stereo, stuffing it in a pizza box and sticking it under the bed. If anyone found out he was listening to THAT…. Anakin refused to finish the thought. He stacked up the other boxes and stashed them by the door. He took a step back and admired his handiwork.

"I'm home!" Padmé announced, sounding exhausted. Senate meetings were always very tiring. However, to Anakin, they just seemed boring.

Padmé frowned as the house remained silent. No one rushed to greet her as they usually did. Where was everyone?

She quickly hung up her coat and headed toward the living room. She spotted Leia engrossed in a book and asked, "Leia, where's your brother and father?"

"Upstairs," Leia answered without looking up. Padmé started up the steps when she heard Luke's voice.

"Is it coffee time yet?"

"No," came Anakin's reply.

"But I saw an ad on the holonet that said coffee time is anytime!"

Padmé approached the closed door and knocked. The voices fell silent. She pushed open the door and entered. Her eyes registered everything at once: the rumpled bed covered with coffee beans, the little red 'on' light on the stereo, and the towering tower of pizza boxes.

Padmé rounded on her husband. "ANAKIN SKY-" she didn't get to finish. The pizza boxes wobbled precariously and then toppled down on her.

Anakin gasped in horror and flung himself onto the pizza box avalanche. He tossed the boxes away frantically, searching for Padmé. Luke sat on the floor and watched, hugging a nearly empty can of coffee beans.

Finally, beneath one box Anakin found his wife's head. She glared up at him, quickly erasing his relief at finding her.

"Anakin! You will clean up this mess. Now!"

Anakin rapidly agreed and began using the Force to chuck the pizza boxes at the garbage can.

Padmé freed herself from the pizzaslide and stormed into the bathroom to take a shower and remove the remnants of pizza from her ornate clothing.

Meanwhile, Luke, relieved that he had gotten off easy, went downstairs for a snack. He hadn't gotten to eat any pizza – or drink any coffee, and that made him sad.

As Luke pulled up a chair to stand on and searched through the high cupboards for some more coffee beans, Leia's voice floated over him.

"You're going to be in so much trouble, you know."

"No I'm not!" yelled Luke back, rummaging in the medicine cabinet. He knew his mother had hidden the coffee mix somewhere where she thought he wouldn't find it…but where?

Luke pulled out a likely looking jar. He tugged on its lid and sniffed the inside. "Hmm…doesn't smell like coffee."

Indeed, it smelled like mint.

Shrugging, he dumped the powder into the blender, and then added the remaining coffee beans and a cup of water. He plugged in the machine and remembered to put on the lid. Luke pushed down the button and waited.

WHIRRRRRR!

The lid spun off and the wet coffee splashed on Luke's face. He stood, gaping at the still-running empty blender.

"SITHSPIT!" Luke yelled at the blender, repeating the word he had heard his father say when he had accidentally set the oven on fire. Then Mace Windu, who had been in the house at the time, had told Anakin off for using the word. It must be something really bad, Luke thought excitedly.

He ran into the living room and called to Leia, "SITHSPIT!"

Leia glanced boredly up from her book, and then look back down. Then she did a double take. "Ew, Luke! What is that on your FACE!"

Luke grinned maliciously and touched the wet coffee. It felt kind of like mud, and if it would bug his sister, he would keep it on as long as he could.

"SITHSPIT!" Luke said again.

"It doesn't look like spit," Leia observed.

"Wanna touch it?" Luke smirked, moving closer.

"NO! GET AWAY! MOOOOOM!" shrieked Leia, drawing her informative book close to her chest.

Upstairs, Padmé had just finished her quick shower. She had changed into some clean clothes, and was preparing to put her Senatorial robes in the wash.

"Do you need anything washed, Annie?" she asked, looking up at Anakin as he scrubbed the pizza stains off the ceiling.

"No."

Padmé decided to check under the bed anyway, where Anakin's dirty socks always seemed to end up. She pulled up the edge of the covers and peered down into the dusty bowels of Under-the-Bed-Land. Padmé picked up a sock encrusted with grime, a disgusted look on her face. She spotted another pizza box and pulled it out.

"Honestly, how much pizza can one man eat?" she muttered, carrying the two items out of the room.

She was completely oblivious to the rattle of some object sliding around inside the pizza box.

To be continued...

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	2. It's a Bird, It's a Plane, IT'S GM!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. However, I did create 'Girly Man'.

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**Chapter 2: It's a Bird, It's a Plane… IT'S GIRLY MAN!**

Padmé stuffed the pizza box in the garbage, and then headed to the laundry room to drop off the sock and her robes. On her way back up to the bedroom, she saw a man with gold-streaked hair standing in the front doorway. It took her a moment to realize he was one of Anakin's fellow Jedi Knights.

"Oh! Hello, Ferus," Padmé said, flustered that she hadn't noticed his arrival.

Ferus nodded, "Hello, Padmé. I'm here to speak with Anakin."

Before Padmé could reply, a voice screamed from upstairs, "PADMÉ! HAVE YOU SEEN MY CD?"

Padmé stepped to the bottom of the stairwell and called up, "Which one?"

Anakin poked his head out of the bedroom, his face red with embarrassment. "The one I was playing before you came home."

"Which was…?"

Anakin blushed even more. "My Shania Twain CD!" he hissed. Unfortunately, Ferus arrived at the base of the steps at that moment.

"What's going on?" he inquired. Anakin stared at Ferus in horror.

"NOOOOOO! He knows my secret!"

"What secret?" Ferus asked calmly.

Anakin opened his mouth and then closed it. "I'm a super hero," he declared stubbornly. "I can't reveal my secret identity."

Padmé gasped. "Annie! You're a super hero! That's wonderful!" she hugged him.

"That's right!" Anakin said proudly, puffing out his chest. "I'm…"

Anakin did a funky dance and struck a pose. "GIRLY MAN!"

While Padmé stared in awe and Anakin swelled with pride, Ferus fell to the ground, laughing hysterically. Anakin looked down, his bubble burst.

Suddenly Anakin ignited his lightsaber. "How DARE you laugh at Girly Man! I squish you now!" Anakin advanced on Ferus, who lay on the ground, no longer laughing.

Padmé watched in horror. Suddenly a brown and white form flew around the corner, heading straight for the blue blade.

"NOOOO!" Padmé screamed, jumping between them before the collision occurred. A five-year old child smashed into Padmé, and she quickly grabbed him protectively. Then she caught sight of his face.

"LUKE SKYWALKER! WHAT DID YOU DO NOW!" Then, in the same breath, Padmé turned on Anakin. "AND YOU! ATTACKING OUR GUEST! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"

Padmé took a deep breath and stared at the terrified Luke. Her gaze softened and she kneeled down next to her son. "Okay, honey, tell mommy what happened."

Luke blinked at her, confused by her abrupt change in behavior. Then he said quietly, "The blender exploded, Mom."

Padmé absorbed this in shock. "Wh-what?"

"Don't be angry, please," Luke pleaded with puppy dog eyes. Padmé melted at the look and hugged him.

Meanwhile, Ferus slowly got to his feet. "I'll be going now," he said to no one in particular, inching toward the door. Then, seeing as no one was following him, he made a break for it. The door slammed behind him.

A few moments later, Padmé took Luke into the kitchen to get him cleaned up. She ordered Anakin to get back to work upstairs.

The front door opened and Padmé glimpsed a redheaded woman before both she and Luke were ensconced in a hug.

"Hi!" chirped Darra, another Jedi Knight, cheerfully. When she finally released Padmé and Luke, Padmé noticed with disdain that her clean clothes were now covered with the slimy stuff from Luke's face.

Darra's robes were also soiled, but she paid them no mind. "I brought cookies!" she announced brightly, handing a big container to Luke. He pried it open excitedly.

"Hope y'all like chocolate chip!" Darra grinned as she pranced out.

All was silent for a moment, broken only by the sound of Luke crunching on the cookies.

Then, another voice called, "Hello?"

Padmé snapped. She stomped into the living room and grabbed a shocked Obi-Wan by the braid. Even though he was a Jedi Master, Obi-Wan still wore the usual Padawan hairdo. "This – is – not – an – open – house," she snarled, dragging him toward the exit.

"But your house is listed in the 'Places Where Jedi May Go After A Jedi Turns To The Dark Side And Tries To Kill All The Other Jedi'!" protested Obi-Wan.

"I don't care!" Padmé yelled, pushing him outside. She slammed the door and leaned against it, panting. They really needed to get an unlisted address.

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Author's Note: Sorry about the short chapter...oh well.


	3. Man! I Feel Like a Woman

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, or Lizzie McGuire.

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**Chapter 3: Man! I Feel Like a Woman**

The next day, Padmé was on her comlink, trying to get an uncooperative agent to change their address to an unlisted one. It was a very difficult task, especially with having to yell over the noise of Anakin's latest girly CD: The Lizzie McGuire Movie.

Anakin, Luke and Leia were in the living room, dancing and groovin' it up. The Jedi Knight was creating a new introductory dance for when he announced, "I'm GIRLY MAN!"

Luke, meanwhile, was simply dancing and bugging his sister to dance. Leia was reading a tap-dancing manual.

Abruptly, there was a knock on the door. The music fell silent, and Anakin burst into the kitchen, wearing a pink sheet from Leia's room around his shoulders like a cape. "No one catches GIRLY MAN unawares!" he cried girlishly as he raced for the door.

Padmé put a hand over her comlink and hissed, "Annie! Quiet! And take off that sheet!"

Anakin skidded to a halt by the front door and grinned. "Oh, right! I don't want anyone to know my secret identity!"

He tugged at the cape, but could not undo the knot. Padmé sighed and muttered into the comlink, "One moment please."

Leia poked her head around the corner, her eyes shining with excitement. "Is it Uncle Tru? Did he bring donuts?"

"DONUTS!" Anakin exclaimed happily. "I HOPE SO!"

Padmé bustled toward her husband and rapidly untied the knot. She tossed the sheet onto the nearby couch and opened the door.

"Hello," Ferus said.

"Oh, no no no no no no…" Anakin whimpered, taking several steps back. He rammed into the couch.

"Anakin!" Padmé chastised, hands on her hips, "Aren't you going to invite our guest in?"

"Fine," Anakin sighed. He turned to Ferus and said in a sugary-sweet voice that dripped with sarcasm, "Why don't you come in?"

Padmé knew that she needed to finish her call, so she brought the two men into the kitchen. She glanced around. "Where'd my comlink go?"

At that moment, Luke wandered past, singing in an off-key voice, "Ohh YOU make me feel like a STAR! Oh baby..."

Padmé clamped a hand over her son's mouth. "Luke, it's bad enough to have your father listening to that. We don't need you to join in."

Padmé noticed something clutched in Luke's hand and she asked, hoping it wouldn't be more coffee beans, "What's that, Luke?"

Luke opened his hand. "A comwink!"

"Oh…" Padmé said, realizing it was hers.

"Hello? Hello? Who is this!" demanded a freaked-out voice on the other end. Padmé sighed and shut off the comlink.

"Now run along," Padmé told Luke, taking her comlink. "Mommy and daddy have important stuff to do."

Luke scampered off, probably to experiment with coffee or something. Padmé returned to the table, where Anakin was staring angrily at Ferus. Ferus stared neutrally back.

Padmé went to the cupboards and looked for her package of mint tea.

"Annie, have you seen the tea?" Padmé inquired, still rummaging through the top cabinets.

"Maybe it's at the golf course…" Anakin commented unfocusedly.

"WHAT?"

"You know, you have to tee off with it…."

"That's tee, T-E-E. I'm talking about my mint T-E-A."

"That's fine. I don't need anything to drink," Ferus interrupted. "Besides, I hate mint."

Padmé sat down next to Anakin, hoping to restrain him if things got bad.

Ferus started, "I hear Luke and Leia are ready to begin their Jedi training."

"Sithin' RIGHT!" Anakin declared. Padmé gave him a sharp look. "Um, right!" Anakin quickly said.

"And they're looking for Masters?" Ferus continued.

"Yes," Padmé answered cautiously, watching her husband in case he swore again.

"I was wondering if I could be Leia's Master."

Anakin and Padmé absorbed this for a moment, and then Anakin leapt to his feet. In an incredibly high-pitched, girly voice, he screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Luke and Leia stumbled into the room. Luke tugged on Padmé's arm. "Mommy, come on! There's a fire!"

Padmé demanded sharply, "Fire? Where?"

"I dunno!" wailed Luke, "but there's a loud siren!"

"Siren?" Padmé glanced at Anakin. "ANNIE! STOP SCREAMING! YOU'RE SCARING THE KIDS!"

Anakin shut his mouth, but remained standing, glaring down at Ferus. "There is no WAY in the galaxy that I am going to let you train my daughter!" Anakin growled, jabbing a finger at Ferus.

"What about Luke?"

Luke piped up, "Are we becoming Jedi? Are we Mom? Huh? Are we Mom?" He started jumping up and down.

"Shh, Luke. We don't know yet," Padmé whispered.

"I want to be a Jedi," Leia stated stubbornly.

Padmé sighed and glared at the men in a 'Now Look What You've Done' way.

"I seem to have exceeded my welcome," Ferus observed, standing up.

"You did the moment you walked in the door," Anakin spat.

Padmé grabbed Ferus by the arm and dragged him toward the door. Luke followed them out of the kitchen, gazing up at Ferus with puppy dog eyes. "PLEASE let me be a Jedi! PLEASE!"

"Kid, do you even know my name?" Ferus wondered.

"YEAH! Uncle Tru!"

"Um, no. I'm Ferus."

"RIGHT! Uncle Ferus!"

"HE'S NOT YOUR UNCLE!" Anakin screamed from the kitchen.

"SITHSPIT!" shouted Luke back.

Padmé pushed Ferus out the door and turned to her son. "LUKE! Where did you learn such language!"

Luke put on a cute and innocent face. "I heard it from Dad."

"ANAKIN SKYWALKER!" Padmé screeched, losing control again. It was just too much to handle!

"Yeah?" Anakin asked warily, emerging from the kitchen.

"When did Luke hear you say 'sithspit'?"

Anakin scratched his head. "Um…." Suddenly he looked flustered. "Well…."

Padmé prodded, "Yes?"

"Remember that one time you came home and we surprised you with that new stove?"

"Yes." Padmé stared at Anakin suspiciously. "What happened?"

"The reason we got a new one was…I blew up the last stove."

Padmé blinked.

"YOU WHAT!"

"Hey! I was trying a new recipe from Obi-Wan for cheese fondue!"

Padmé closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. When she opened them again, she rubbed her forehead and sighed, "I need a vacation."

To be continued...

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	4. Repeat After Me: I Need A Vacation

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

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**Chapter 4: Repeat After Me: I Need a Vacation**

That evening Anakin found Padmé bustling around their room, packing a big suitcase.

"What are you doing?" he asked, alarmed.

"We're taking a vacation," Padmé announced.

Anakin peered into the depths of the suitcase. "Um, don't you need to pack stuff for the kids?"

"They're staying home."

"What?"

Padmé calmly repeated her message. "The kids are staying home."

"Why?" wondered Anakin.

Padmé sighed. "How else do you think we can relax? Luke would just whine about missing his coffee and bug his sister. He's stressful enough with coffee; imagine how annoying he'll be without it."

Anakin thought for a moment. Luke wasn't really annoying to him. He was a Master of Coffee Powers. That was a great thing, not an annoying one!

But he knew that Padmé wouldn't understand the intricate details of super hero life, so he just nodded.

"Good," Padmé sighed, slamming the suitcase shut. She headed for the door, dragging the suitcase behind her. "I've already arranged a hotel for us to stay at on Naboo. We'll stay for a week."

Naboo! Anakin began to cheer up. Naboo was a lovely planet. It would be a fun vacation after all.

Anakin followed Padmé downstairs when he was struck by a thought. He stopped in his tracks. "Padmé, how are we going to get there?"

Padmé smiled. "I got us tickets on a first-class ship. It helps to be a Senator, you know."

Anakin grinned maliciously and rubbed his hands together. "All the more pizza for me."

Padmé stared at him. "You always eat all the pizza we order. How can you get more than that?"

"I can eat all the pizza on the ship," he said matter-of-factly.

"Ah. Okay. But don't get in trouble." Anakin pretended not to hear this last line.

Bright and early the next morning, Anakin and Padmé were ready to go. Actually, Padmé was. She was dressed in a red Senatorial gown and had her hair done up fancily.

Anakin wandered into the kitchen, still half-asleep. He had dressed in a hurry when he remembered that they were going to leave in thirty minutes.

"Your robes are on backwards," stated an amused voice.

Anakin rubbed his eyes and glanced around the kitchen. "MASTER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

Indeed, Obi-Wan was sitting at the table, eating breakfast with Luke and Leia. He wasn't the only newcomer. Ferus was also there. Luke was bugging him.

"Can I be a Jedi? Please?"

Padmé put a slice of toast on Luke's plate. "They're here to baby-sit the twins while we're gone," she explained patiently to Anakin.

"Oh." Anakin absorbed this. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was the truth, from a certain point of view," Obi-Wan said randomly.

"Yeah, IT'S TRUE THAT YOU ARE IN MY HOUSE WITHOUT PERMISSION!" Anakin yelled, mainly at Ferus.

Padmé put her hands on her hips. "_I_ gave them permission."

Leia stated intelligently, "Dad, you really need a vacation."

Anakin tried to regain his calm by going to shower and putting on his robes the right way. Then he went back to the kitchen. Thankfully, Ferus had left. Anakin didn't really care about where he was. Leia was reading a book about healthy foods, Padmé was sipping a cup of chamomile tea (she still didn't know that Luke had had her mint tea on his face), and Obi-Wan was eating cheese.

Anakin realized they didn't have any pizza left. Sad, he rummaged through the fridge for something, anything that was good to eat. He found some boxes that looked like freezies in the freezer. One of them was labeled 'Pizza'.

Anakin took out this freezie box and ate all five freezies. He made a face. "What IS this?" Anakin demanded to Padmé.

Padmé looked up from her calming tea. Her eyes widened. "Annie, that was medicine for the kids!"

Anakin scrunched up his face and stared at the package. "That explains the taste."

Padmé gasped, "YOU ATE ALL FIVE OF THEM!"

Obi-Wan finally glanced up from his cheese. "Hey, some of us don't want to be interrupted here!"

Padmé ignored him. She sighed bitterly. "Great. Just great. My husband is high on kids' antibiotics."

At that moment, Ferus entered the kitchen, trailed by Luke. Anakin smiled widely at them and stood up.

"HI!" He flung his arms around Ferus.

Ferus stared at Anakin, and then glanced at Padmé. "What did I miss?"

Padmé pried her husband away and towed him toward the door. She hurriedly explained, "Got to go catch our flight…bye!" She swiftly kissed Luke and Leia on their foreheads and raced out the door.

Five hours, twenty-two pizzas and fifteen weirded-out people later, Anakin and Padmé reached their hotel.

Padmé was exhausted from trying to control Anakin around the pizza. He'd eaten the whole supply of pizza on the ship and hugged fifteen people. Thankfully, the medicine was finally wearing off, making Anakin look just as tired as his wife felt.

Padmé plopped down on the bed and sighed with relief.

"Finally that's over," she said.

Anakin walked to the bed, zombie-like. His leg hit the side of the bed and he promptly collapsed onto it. In moments, he was snoring contentedly.

Padmé stretched and murmured, "I think I'll go take a shower…." She disappeared into the bathroom.

To be continued...

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Author's Note: I belive the chapter title is some lyrics from a song I heard a loooong time ago.


	5. Revenge of the Coffee High Kid

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or Barbie.

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**Chapter 5: Revenge of the Coffee-High Kid**

Back at the house, Obi-Wan had decided to make a cheese salad for lunch. He was busily grating cheese while Leia chopped and cleaned lettuce. They were unaware of the trouble that Luke was causing elsewhere.

Deciding that giving him a present was the best way to get to become Ferus's Padawan, Luke started to make a gift. He knew how to make coffee, so he started with that. Luke took out his secret supply of coffee beans from under the bed and counted them.

Twenty minutes later, he discovered he had twenty beans. He put them in a dish and set it on his bed. Then Luke raced downstairs to the kitchen.

Luke peered inside and saw Leia washing lettuce in the sink. That would be a problem. Then there was Obi-Wan, concentrating hard on the cheese he was grating. Luke thought for a moment.

Suddenly he poked his head into the kitchen and shouted, "LEIA! YOUR ROOM'S ON FIRE! YOUR BOOKS-" he didn't have to finish. Leia ran screaming upstairs.

Satisfied, Luke crept into the kitchen and pulled out the blender. He carried it up to his room. Then Luke realized that he didn't have any more of the mint powder. He spent the next hour thinking. Then he attempted to snap his fingers. It didn't work, so he improvised by making a clucking sound with his tongue. Then he ran back downstairs.

In the kitchen, Obi-Wan was still working on the salad (there was A LOT of cheese to grate). Leia sat at the table, reading 'The History of Cheese', a new book that Obi-Wan had given her.

Ferus was also there, searching through the cupboards. He placed two packets of mint gum on the table.

"What are you doing?" Leia asked curiously.

"Confiscating the mint," explained Ferus.

Luke's eyes zeroed in on the mint gum. Ferus was collecting the mint. He must really love it, Luke thought.

Waiting until Ferus's back was turned, Luke quickly zipped into the kitchen, snagged the gum and ran back to his room.

Once upstairs, Luke sat on his bed, panting. He took a moment to find an electrical outlet, and then he plugged in the blender. He put in the coffee beans and the unopened gum packages. Then Luke remembered he needed water. He hurried to the bathroom and poured some water into his cupped hands. Then he raced back to dump the water in the blender. Only about a third of the water survived the trip. Luke charged back and forth, collecting water. He was oblivious to the wet patches he was creating on the carpet.

Finally, Luke sat down beside his blender. He grinned with pride. He'd create the best cup of coffee anyone had ever tasted!

Luke cautiously placed on the lid and secured it with one hand. With the other, he pressed 'on'.

Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… Luke watched as the contents swirled around and around. He giggled at how funny it looked.

Finally, his coffee creation was done. Luke went downstairs to find a mug. Once he found his mother's favorite glass embroidered with a photo of Theed palace, he headed back to his room. Luke carefully poured the mixture into the mug (still spilling quite a bit) and then carried it downstairs.

The swishing concoction was a pale brown, with pieces of the gum wrappers floating around in it.

Luke brought the mug into the kitchen as if it were his child. "I made coffee!" he declared proudly to Ferus.

"Um…that's nice," he commented.

"It's for you," Luke explained.

"Okay…." Ferus took the mug. He sipped it warily. Suddenly he blanched and dropped the mug. It cracked as it hit the table with a thud.

"MINT!" Ferus gasped, horrified. He ran from the kitchen, looking like he was going to throw up. Luke stood in the midst of it all, looking confused.

"He didn't like my coffee?" wondered Luke.

Leia got a malicious look in her eyes. "He probably hates you now."

"Wh-what! What did I do!" Luke launched himself at the floor and knelt at Leia's feet. "Please! What did I do wrong? Tell me! Have mercy!"

Leia rolled her eyes. Her brother was so gullible. An evil plan had formed in her mind, and she began to put it into action.

"Luke…search your feelings. Ferus is not the right Master for you."

"O…okay," Luke sniffled.

"But he wants you to think he is. You must stop him, Luke."

Luke looked confused. "But then who's the right Master for me?"

Leia smiled, "The Sith."

Luke brightened. "Okay! I'll go look him up in the phone book."

Leia smirked at her brother's retreating back. He would get in soo much trouble…and this would be a great show!

Luke went up to his room and flicked through the phone book pages. He was only learning to read, so he didn't understand all the writing. However, he knew enough to search for the letter 's'.

"S…sith," Luke murmured, scanning a page. Suddenly a BIG ad caught his attention:

JOIN THE SITH!

GREAT BENEFITS INCLUDING

-LIGHTSABER (sorry, red only)

-DIGITAL CAMERA

-BARBIE DOLL

'FREEEEEE'

LEARN HOW TO DO THE EVIL LAUGH!

CALL 123-SITH TODAY!

"Wowcool," Luke breathed. He snuck into his parents' room and stole his father's comlink. Then Luke called 123-SITH.

At that moment, Obi-Wan stuck his head into the room. "Luke? Leia and I are going to Tatooine for the week to start her training."

Luke quickly shoved the comlink behind his back and smiled sweetly. "Okay."

As soon as Obi-Wan left, Luke shut his door and listened intently to the comlink.

"Hello? Hello?" said a voice.

"Hi," Luke replied.

"Who is this?" asked the voice, similar to the voice of Count Dooku on an ad for shampoo Luke had seen once.

"Are you Count Dooku?" Luke asked bluntly.

"Yes, I am…MUA HA HA HA HACK!"

"That's not how you do it. It's more like MUA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… HA!"

The Count laughed. "You'd make a good Sith, my friend."

"I want to be an apprentice to the Sith."

"Which one?"

"I dunno, my sister just told me that the Sith should be my Master!"

"Hmm…maybe you want Darth Sidious. He is our Master."

"Okay! Now do I get a free digital camera? My old one broke."

"Not so fast...first you must officially become an apprentice. Tomorrow night at nine come to the Pizza Parlor and we'll initiate you."

"Okay, sir." Luke hung up and went to go find out what 'initiate' meant.

At the Secret Sith Headquarters (SSH), Count Dooku smirked. He had just found the Sith a new follower. He decided to track the call.

He soon found out, to his delight, that the caller had been Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. Darth Sidious had been interested in him. Perhaps Dooku would get a promotion! Giddy with happiness, Dooku went to tell his Master the news.

To be continued...

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	6. Phone Tag for Dummies

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Backyardigans, Barney or Barbie.

Author's Note: The League of Big Justice is the superhero organization in the Sidekicks series. It is a group of super heroes and their sidekicks, or apprentices. The League of Big Justice will be involved more later on in this story, and all the super hero characters are from Sidekicks except Girly Man, Pattern Man, Ketchup Kid, Coffee Lad and Princess Lass.

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**Chapter 6: Phone Tag For Dummies**

After a relaxing second day of vacation spent touring Theed, Anakin and Padmé headed to the beach. They had just set up their towel and umbrella when a familiar figure approached them.

"Hello, Master Qui-Gon!" Anakin said cheerfully. The Jedi Master was wearing sunglasses, a big straw hat, a bright flowered Hawaii shirt and Bermuda shorts.

"Hello, Anakin, Padmé," Qui-Gon greeted. He had been on permanent vacation since his traumatic experience with a double-ended lightsaber, wandering from planet to planet.

Suddenly Padmé remembered something. "Annie, we should call Ferus and Obi-Wan." Turning to Qui-Gon, she explained, "They're babysitting the twins."

Anakin took out his portable holoprojector and dialed their home number. There was a blue haze of static, and then came their automated message, "We are not able to come to the projector at the moment. Please leave a message or call again later."

Padmé felt a small tingle of worry. "Try Obi-Wan."

Anakin tried again, and this time Leia came on. "Hi!" she said brightly.

"Leia! Can we speak to Obi-Wan and Ferus for a moment?"

Leia shook her head. "Ferus is back on Coruscant with Luke and-"

"What do you mean, 'back on Coruscant'," interrupted Anakin.

Leia grinned. "Uncle Obi-Wan took me to Tatooine. He says I can start my Jedi training!"

"And what about Ferus and Luke?" Padmé inquired worriedly.

Leia shrugged impassively. "We left them at home. Uncle Obi-Wan got a substitute babysitter, though."

"Who?" Anakin asked.

"Master Qui-Gon!"

Anakin and Padmé stared accusingly at Qui-Gon.

He threw his hands up in the air in defense. "I'm supposed to be on vacation!"

Padmé sighed and turned back to the holoprojector. "Good-bye, Leia. Be good for Obi-Wan."

"I will," Leia promised sincerely.

Padmé shut off the transmission and turned to Qui-Gon. "Did you at least get someone else to go?"

"Yes. I roped Mace Windu into it."

Anakin dialed the new number and a miniature Mace Windu appeared, crouching under a table.

"Who is this?" he whispered. "Is this Poof?"

"It's Anakin Skywalker," Anakin explained.

"Good." Mace looked relieved. "Poof's been chasing me all day. He keeps saying 'Boo!'"

Padmé spoke up, "Aren't you supposed to be watching the house?"

"House? Which house?" Mace asked, scratching his head.

"The Skywalker house," Padmé sighed.

"Oh. I couldn't do it because I was hiding from Poof. I got Chancellor Palpatine to do it."

Anakin sighed and cut off the communication. He called Palpatine and the image of his secretary appeared.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, but-"

The receptionist cut Anakin off, "No one sees the Chancellor without an appointment." The transmission flickered and was gone.

Padmé groaned. "This is just great."

"I'll try his personal number," offered Anakin, dialing another number.

This time, the hologram of a man sitting with his feet propped up on a desk appeared. Anakin realized it was Palpatine, wearing nothing but his boxers. They had 'I heart flamingoes' written all over them. Anakin quickly put a hand over Padmé's eyes so she couldn't see the horror of it all.

"Anakin Skywalker," Palpatine drawled, standing up. "It's been a while, my friend."

There was an evil cackle in the background, and then Darth Maul appeared, also wearing boxers that had double-ended lightsabers on them. Qui-Gon's eyes bugged out and he ran away screaming.

"Aren't you supposed to be watching the house?" Anakin inquired, secretly glad that Palpatine wasn't exposing his children to this mentally scarring event.

"House? What house?" asked Palpatine, confused.

"THE SKYWALKER HOUSE!" Padmé and Anakin screamed together. Behind them, they could hear Qui-Gon's yells.

Palpatine opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a notebook that said 'You da woman!'. He flipped through it and frowned. "We haven't had our meeting on what to do about your house yet. It's in one month."

"ONE MONTH!" Anakin yelled, "WE'RE ONLY ON VACATION FOR ONE WEEK!"

"Well, sorry if you don't like Senate procedures!" snapped Palpatine, sticking out his tongue. Anakin growled in annoyance and ended the connection.

Padmé decided to try Ferus's comlink. She dialed the number and waited. A moment later, the automated message played. She sighed and tried again, with the same result.

Padmé turned off the holoprojector and stared at it, eyes unfocused. There were unlimited dangers for a five-year-old home alone in a house.

"Don't worry. I'm sure they'll be there in one piece when we get back," Anakin assured her.

"I hope so," Padmé said.

Anakin added to himself, "Although some of those Senatorial robes are pretty complex."

"What?" wondered Padmé, very lost.

"Your wardrobe!" Anakin sighed exasperatedly.

"MY WARDROBE? ANAKIN, LUKE IS IN DANGER!" Padmé screeched in frustration.

"Oh, so you didn't care about my CD collection either…." Anakin ducked to avoid being slapped.

Padmé put her head in her hands and sat for a moment. Then she straightened, a determined expression on her face. "Come on," she ordered curtly. "We're going home."

The flight back to Coruscant went slightly better than the trip to Naboo. This time, Anakin didn't stop to hug every worker they passed. However, he still gobbled down all the pizza on the ship. Padmé spent the trip worrying about her son's safety, while Anakin divided his time between eating pizza, comforting his wife and amusing himself with the controls on his seat. He could change the music station, raise, lower, bring forward and back his chair. He did this for several hours until it drove Padmé nuts.

She suggested, "Why don't you go and see if they have more pizza in the back?"

Anakin agreed and went off in search of more pizza.

After being kicked out of the back storage room by a flight attendant, Anakin made his way back up to his seat. He stopped by a man in metallic armor and a boy with curly black hair.

"Do I know you?" he asked the man.

The man glared at him. "I don't make a habit of associating with idiots."

Anakin cocked his head to one side. "Really. I could have sworn I saw you at a League of Big Justice meeting."

"Nope. Sorry." The man turned away, ending the conversation. Anakin shrugged off the man's rudeness and continued up the aisle.

As soon as Anakin left, the man, the great bounty hunter Jango Fett, spoke seriously to his son, Boba. "Son, it's time I tell you my secret. I'm not your father."

"Oh my!" cried Boba, shocked.

Jango pulled off his helmet. "I'm your mother," he said.

Boba screamed. Jango was wearing such a realistic Barbie mask that he did look like the real thing!

Jango took off the mask. "Relax, Boba," he said gruffly. "I'm not really Barbie."

"Are you really my father?" Boba asked nervously, hoping Jango wouldn't turn out to be Barney or worse…a BACKYARDIGAN!

Jango pulled Boba into a tight hug. "Well, since you're a clone of me, not really, but…WHO CARES!"

"YEAH!" Boba agreed cheerfully. Then they pulled apart. "LOOK! A KETCHUP SHOP!" Boba cried giddily, looking down at Coruscant.

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	7. Warning: This Chapter Is Gory

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Friends, The Princess Bride or 'I'm Gonna Getcha Good' by Shania Twain.

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**Chapter 7: Warning: This Chapter Is Gory (And Not Just For The Cookies!)**

Later that evening, Anakin and Padmé arrived at the front door to their house. Exchanging a glance with his wife, Anakin slid the key into the lock and opened the door.

The house looked entirely normal. The pink bed sheet was still draped over the couch, and dishes were discarded on the table. Padmé would have usually put them away, but right now, she was too worried about Luke to notice the dirty dishes.

"Mmph!" came a muffled voice from the living room. Padmé and Anakin hurried into the room to see Ferus bound to the couch, a bandanna tied around his mouth.

Anakin ignited his lightsaber and rapidly severed the ropes. Padmé untied the bandana.

"Where's Luke?" she demanded as soon as the bandanna came off.

Ferus worked his jaw carefully. "He left."

"WHAT?!" Anakin snarled. He brandished his lightsaber.

"Annie, put that away before someone gets hurt," ordered Padmé. She turned back to Ferus. "Do you know where Luke went?"

Ferus shook his head.

Anakin went into the kitchen and pulled out his holoprojector. His son was missing; it was time to take drastic measures.

He dialed the number for the League of Big Justice. The blue hologram flickered and Pumpkin Pete appeared. He was stuffing cookies into his mouth with one vine hand. "Hey, do you mind?" he said, annoyed. "I'm missing 'Friends'."

Anakin growled with frustration. He was in no mood to deal with the pumpkin-headed man. "Where is the League of Big Justice??"

"Out at the Pizza Parlor," explained Pete, popping a handful of chocolate chip cookies into his mouth. The cookies squealed in pain as Pete chewed them. A trickle of crumbs escaped their gory fate, landing on the floor.

"Great. Tell them there's an emergency."

"Emergency? What emergency? There ain't no emergency unless I see it with my own eyes," Pumpkin Pete declared.

Anakin shut off the holoprojector without saying goodbye. He paced around the kitchen, thinking. There was only one thing Girly Man could do in a situation like this: go and get the League of Big Justice to help him look.

Making up his mind, Anakin yelled back into the living room, "Padmé, I'm going out to look for Luke. You stay here and call the Jedi to help or something."

Not waiting for a response, he dashed upstairs to his room and pulled out his super hero costume, hidden in the back of his closet.

Anakin hummed his theme song (which sounded like 'I'm Gonna Getcha' by Shania Twain) as he pulled on his uniform. Looking quite a lot like Darth Vader's suit, it compromised of a bright pink cape, a pink suit with the initials 'G.M.' in curly letters on the chest plate, and a helmet. The helmet was in shades of purple with a pink outline, and had a drawn on set of kissy lips. The eyeholes had fake eyelashes surrounding them.

The last additions to Anakin's outfit were his lightsaber, clipped on to his belt, and a heart-shaped balloon with the same 'G.M.' design. The balloon also doubled as a shield in battle, capable of blocking blaster fire.

Anakin slipped unnoticed out of the house and found his customized speeder, the one his family still thought he was working on. Actually, it was his tweaked, fully operational Girly Mobile of Big Justice.

Anakin pulled the protective covering off his speeder and admired the beautiful pink and purple ship. Then he leaped aboard and fired the engine.

Anakin sped into the space lanes of Coruscant, daringly maneuvering through traffic. His speed and crazy driving would terrify most sane people. It was a good thing his Master wasn't with him. Obi-Wan would probably freak out.

Anakin saw the Pizza Parlor far below and dived straight down, screeching the GMBJ to a halt directly in front of the diner.

Anakin jumped out of his speeder and headed toward the entrance when he felt a tug. Then he fell over backward. Climbing painfully to his hands and knees, Anakin realized that his cape was stuck in the speeder door. He yanked it out and stomped into the diner, looking around for the League of Big Justice.

Suddenly he spotted a familiar small figure. Anakin started toward the table when a waitress approached him. "Hello, can I help you?"

Anakin waved her off and strode over to the table. The three people looked up at the looming pink man. Two of them were tall and wore black hoods. The third had sandy-blond hair and looked to be about five.

"Luke?" Anakin asked, shocked. The mask made his voice extremely high-pitched and girly.

"Who are you?" demanded one man in a voice slightly familiar to Anakin.

"Luke, I am your father," Anakin addressed his son.

Luke stared, horrified, up at him. "No! You're a big pink man! My father is a Jedi Knight!"

At that moment, one of the sidekicks, Charisma Kid, walked up with a big grin on his face. His super power was all the confidence of a great smile – and he was the second-biggest jerk in the galaxy, according to Anakin (Ferus was the first).

"Hey, G. M.!" said Charisma Kid, "Wow, that costume really brings out the blue in your eyes!"

Anakin glared at Charisma Kid, forgetting about Luke for one moment. He pulled out his blue lightsaber and chopped off Charisma Kid's head.

"Hey!" his head protested. Charisma Kid ran off after it.

Anakin turned back to the table. One man jumped up on the table, shouting giddily, "NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA…DUEL TIME! DUEL TIME!"

He started singing, "I'm gonna getcha it's a matter of fact…I'm gonna getcha don't cha worry 'bout that!"

Anakin glowered with anger about the copied theme song. The man reached onto his belt and pulled out an elongated lightsaber in slow motion. He ignited one end, and then the other.

Anakin gasped, "It's YOU!" He swung hard at the man, who leaped back and blocked the blow. His hood fell back, revealing a red-and-black tattooed face, feral yellow eyes that were bright with excitement, and a crown of horns around his head.

As Darth Maul and Girly Man dueled, the second figure (Count Dooku) tried to escape with Luke. He had barely taken two steps before a voice yelled, "HALT!"

Dooku looked up to see a man in patterned armor, similar to Jango Fett's armor except multicolored. Little did Dooku know that this was Jango Fett in his secret identity of Pattern Man, and the sidekick in red beside him was Boba as Ketchup Kid.

"KETCHUP ATTACK!" cried Boba, grabbing a bottle of ketchup off a nearby table and chucking it at Dooku's head.

The glass bottle shattered and Dooku fainted. Luke pushed away from his captor and turned to see the lightsaber battle.

Anakin, concealed in his Girly Man costume, was unable to move around as much as he usually could. Darth Maul took this to his advantage and forced Anakin back across the Pizza Parlor.

Luke willed Girly Man to win, realizing that the Sith were evil. And if Girly Man really was his father...his will intensified.

Suddenly, as Darth Maul prepared to strike the winning blow, the doors to the Pizza Parlor burst open and in came…Obi-Wan and Leia, holding their blue and pink lightsabers ablaze.

"ON GUARD!!" Leia announced, launching herself toward the battle. Darth Maul, distracted, looked up from the fight. Anakin took this to his advantage and slashed at Darth Maul's unprotected middle. Darth Maul blinked as the top half of him fell over.

At that moment, Dooku raised his head. Leia stuck her blade in front of his face. Dooku stared at the pink laser in shock.

Obi-Wan put his boot down on Darth Maul's lightsaber as the Sith reached for it.

"What is this, _The Princess Bride_?" demanded Anakin, before chopping Darth Maul in half. The Sith stilled and died.

Anakin took Luke by the hand and ordered, "Come on. We have to go home."

To be continued...

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	8. Taking Care of Rambunctious Kids

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or Sidekicks.

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**Chapter 8: Taking Care of Rambunctious Kids…Why Not?**

Obi-Wan, Leia, Luke and Anakin boarded the GMBJ. Luke was silent, lost in his worried thoughts. He would surely be punished for his behavior.

Anakin swerved the ship into the space lane. Obi-Wan grabbed onto the seat and yelped in terror as Anakin zipped the ship between to large cruisers.

They passed with barely a centimeter on either side. Then Anakin put the ship into a steep dive. They dropped like a stone for several levels until Anakin pulled up, narrowly avoiding a purple speeder.

Leia glanced behind them to see Mace Windu shake an angry fist at them. She turned back around in time to see a building looming before them. At the last minute, Anakin swept to the side and they circled around the tower. Then Anakin brought them in to a quick landing in front of their house.

As soon as the ship screeched to a halt, Leia jumped out and ran up to the door. Anakin took Luke by the arm and led him up the walk. Obi-Wan stumbled after them, his face white.

Anakin burst into the living room to see Padmé, Ferus, Darra and Tru sitting on the couches. As soon as she saw Luke, Padmé rose to her feet.

"Where have you been?!" she gasped, flinging her arms around him. "We were so worried!"

"I was at the Pizza Parlor," Luke stated matter-of-factly. Then his eyes lit up as he spotted the Jedi on the couches. "Uncle Tru! Did you bring donuts???"  
Tru smiled slightly and patted the big box he was holding. Luke gasped in delight.

"No donuts for you," interrupted Anakin. "You must learn not to try and join the Sith."

Darra looked horrified. "Luke joined the Sith?!?"

"Almost," Anakin replied, tugging Luke toward the stairs.

After sending Luke to his room, Anakin headed to his room to change back into his Jedi robes.

Anakin was just pulling off his girly helmet when his comlink signaled. He sighed and deposited the helmet on the bed.

"Hello?"

The voice of Pumpkin Pete answered, "I heard you stopped some Sith Lords at the Pizza Parlor. To commend you for your success, King Justice has agreed that you may teach the Sidekicks for one week."

Anakin suppressed a groan. Teaching the Sidekicks was usually Pumpkin Pete's job, but he always tried to put it off onto the other super heroes. Although Anakin wanted to, he knew he couldn't refuse a request from King Justice himself.

"Okay, fine. I'll be there tomorrow." Anakin shut off his comlink and glared at it for a moment. Then he got over his anger at Pumpkin Pete and went into the bathroom to finish changing.

The next day found Anakin, in his secret Girly Man identity, at the Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness. All the Sidekicks were seated at their Sidekicks Super Fold-Out Table, chatting quietly. Anakin took a moment to compose himself. They can't be worse than the Younglings, he figured.

Then Anakin strode into the clubhouse. BANG! His head hit the doorway. Anakin took a dazed step back and then ducked his way through.

"SIDEKICKS! ATTENTION!" he snapped in his super girly voice.

One boy dressed in white spandex with red gloves raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Um…we usually start with role call," he explained uncertainly.

Anakin nodded, "Okay. Who has the list?" The boy handed him a list. Anakin read out the Sidekicks' names.

"Speedy?"

"Here!" called a boy with blue goggles and blue spandex crossed with a lightning bolt.

"Charisma Kid?"

"I hate you," complained the boy with shiny teeth. Somehow he had reattached his head to his body.

"Earlobe Lad?"

"Don't talk so loud!" yelped a boy in green spandex, covering his overly large ears.

"Spice Girl?"

A girl in a pink tutu and spandex with a patch that read 'Girl Power' replied, "Here!"

"Spelling Beatrice?"

"Present!" declared the oldest of the Sidekicks. She had large red square glasses, and yellow and purple spandex.

"Ketchup Kid?"

"Here!" shouted the boy in a red outfit embroidered with a cheese and ketchup sandwich.

"Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy?"

"MAM PAM!" called the boy in a big pink hamster ball.

"Boom Boy?"

"I'm here!" announced a boy with spiky black hair and a spandex outfit depicting him blowing up.

"Exact Change Kid?"

"Here!" said the boy who had spoken earlier.

"Okay," Anakin said, depositing the list on the table. "Now I need to train you guys."

He paced in front of the Sidekicks, considering what to do. Then he slammed his hands down on the table, causing Spice Girl and Exact Change Kid to jump. "First, a drill. Let's see how you do in a podrace."

"Ooh! A podrace!" Spice Girl squealed. Then she frowned. "What's a podrace?"

Spelling Beatrice quoted her dictionary, "A hazardous sport in which contestants drive podracers around a track in three laps. The sport is illegal in most systems and sabotage and cheating are common."

"Oh dear," commented Spice Girl.

Exact Change Kid, who had been neatly scrawling down notes, asked, "Isn't that a bit dangerous?"

Anakin stared down at him. "Is battling evil dangerous? Do you think evil will care if their plot is dangerous?"

"Um, yes. No," the Sidekick squeaked.

"EXACTLY! So it is good training." Anakin gestured to the Sidekicks. "We'll be using speeders instead of podracers. Three laps around the Jedi Temple, and the winner is given…" here he paused to think. "A donut."

"A DONUT?!" shouted Charisma Kid furiously.

"Ooh!" Spice Girl clapped her hands. "I love donuts!"

Without answering, Anakin led the Sidekicks outside. They all piled into his Girly Mobile of Big Justice. As Spelling Beatrice and Speedy secured Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy's bubble onto the speeder, Anakin discreetly contacted Obi-Wan on his comlink.

"Master, I need your help…."

To be continued...

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	9. Podrace Disaster of the Century

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or Sidekicks.

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**Chapter 9: Podrace Disaster of the Century**

Five minutes later, the Sidekicks, Anakin and Obi-Wan were gathered inside the Jedi Temple Hangar. Each Sidekick stood beside a speeder they had chosen for the podrace. Anakin stood before the group.

"On my signal, you will begin the race. You must do three laps around the Jedi Temple and return to the hangar. The prize is…a donut."

At this, Obi-Wan held up a small box. Several of the Sidekicks 'Ooh'ed and 'Ahh'ed, while Charisma Kid glowered.

Anakin stepped out of the entrance to the hangar and announced, "Start your engines."

The Sidekicks quickly boarded their speeders. Spice Girl's pick was a bright purple speeder that matched the patch on her uniform. Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy was unable to get up into the cockpit of his ship. Using the Force, Anakin lifted him into the air and into the ship.

"MAM PAM MAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!" Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy cried in terror as he floated through the air.

"And…GO!" Anakin announced. The roar of the speeders' engines filled the hangar. Earlobe Lad jumped off his ship and ran into the Jedi temple, clutching his head and wailing, "Ohhh, my ears!!!!"

The speeders swerved around Earlobe Lad as they made their way out of the hangar. As soon as the majority of the ships were gone, Anakin went inside Earlobe Lad's speeder and shut it off.

Emerging from the vehicle, Anakin noticed one ship still stationary in the hangar. He went over to examine the problem and realized that Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy had no way to use his ship's controls.

Sighing bitterly, Anakin Force-lifted the Sidekick out of his ship and back on to the floor. Then he turned his attention to the race, watching the speeders zoom by.

Meanwhile, Speedy had taken the lead. He pushed his speeder to the maximum, staying several ship-lengths in front of Charisma Kid.

Behind Charisma Kid were Spelling Beatrice and Exact Change Kid, who were closely tied. Boom Boy was next, closely tailed by Ketchup Kid. In last place was Spice Girl, who didn't quite understand her speeder's controls.

"Oh, dear. I'm losing," she commented. She glanced over the controls and pressed a likely button.

TSEEEW! TSEEEW!

Two laser bolts shot forward and sliced through Boom Boy's ship. "Oops! Sorry!" Spice Girl called.

She tried again, this time hitting the gas pedal. The ship flew forward at insane speeds. "OH NOOO!" Spice Girl yelped, seeing the Temple wall growing larger in front of her.

CRASH!

Her ship collided with the wall. The wall collapsed under the pressure. The purple speeder skidded forward and stopped in the midst of the wall's rubble. Spice Girl climbed out and surveyed the damage. "Oh, dear. This isn't good."

Far ahead, Exact Change Kid decided to take a daring move. He slammed his ship against Spelling Beatrice's, cringing.

Spelling Beatrice pulled her ship away, dragging Exact Change Kid with her. The Sidekicks realized with horror that their ships were locked together. Ahead stood a pillar. Spelling Beatrice and Exact Change Kid exchanged a glance. Then Beatrice yanked her speeder left, Exact Change Kid right. Their ships separated with a groan of metal, and a part tumbled down from Exact Change Kid's ship.

Suddenly the engine stopped with a clunk. Exact Change Kid fiddled frantically with the controls, but to no avail. The ship was stuck, drifting in midair.

An open-top speeder flew up next to him. Tru stopped and yelled, "Hey, need some help?"

Exact Change Kid waved affirmatively. Tru expertly maneuvered his ship next to the Sidekick's, and jumped across. Gripping the top of the ship, he shouted, "Stay down!"

Exact Change Kid ducked his head as an orange blade appeared in the metal above him. Swiftly, Tru cut through the speeder's roof and helped Exact Change Kid out. Then they climbed aboard Tru's ship and continued after the racers.

Meanwhile, Spice Girl heard a door opening. She looked up, frightened. A dark man with a bald head entered. He stopped in his tracks, staring around at the wreckage.

"Don't worry," Spice Girl assured him, "I'm sure the room is covered in our super hero insurance."

The man stared at her wordlessly for a moment, and then yelled, "THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SPEEDER!"

"Oh, really?" Spice Girl scratched her head. "Hmm. Well, at least it smells like lavender now."

At the head of the pack, Speedy was dealing with Charisma Kid's sudden comeback. He swerved his ship from side to side, trying to block Charisma Kid's path. Abruptly the speeder appeared beside Speedy's.

Charisma Kid looked over at Speedy and jeered. Speedy glowered back, and stomped his foot on the pedal. The speeder accelerated slightly. Charisma Kid kept equal pace.

BOOM!

Suddenly, Charisma Kid's ship was gone. The Sidekick tumbled though the air below. Speedy looked back and spotted Ketchup Kid's ship approaching. He pulled his ship left just in time as blaster fire streaked by.

One lap to go, Speedy thought worriedly, I can't hold him off that long. Getting an idea, he cut the power and his speeder froze, hovering in space. Ketchup Kid shot by. Speedy accelerated and followed after the red speeder.

He glimpsed down at the weapon controls. Then he gripped the trigger with one hand and aimed for the red speeder.

TSEEEW! TSEEEW!

The twin blasts missed as Ketchup Kid danced off to the side. Speedy realized with dismay that he'd lost his element of surprise. He fired the engine and raced after Ketchup Kid, thinking quickly.

Speedy saw the button labeled 'Cable Launcher' and pressed it. A cable shot out and latched onto the back of Ketchup Kid's ship. Speedy dived down toward Coruscant, dragging Ketchup Kid with him. Speedy gritted his teeth. He'd have to time this perfectly.

Seeing a large ship looming below him, Speedy pressed 'Release'. The cable flew off his ship, leaving him free to pull out of the dive. Ketchup Kid, however, was an expert pilot and rapidly leveled his speeder, roaring after Speedy.

TSEEEW! TSEEEW!

Ketchup Kid scored a direct hit on the engines. Smoke billowed from the back of Speedy's ship as he rocketed toward the cruiser below.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Speedy crash-landed. He crawled out from the burning wreak of his speeder and saw a ship land nearby, carrying Boom Boy, Spelling Beatrice, Exact Change Kid, a pilot and Charisma Kid. His friends waved Speedy over, but Charisma Kid just glared. Speedy jumped aboard the ship. They lifted off just in time to see Ketchup Kid's ship collide with a gigantic billboard advertising cheese.

The speeder shot toward the ad, and Ketchup Kid joined the gang. Then the pilot guided them back to the Jedi Temple hangar, where Anakin was waiting, looking disappointed.

"No one completed the race," he boomed. "That is pathetic. By the end of this week, I will make you all expert pilots."

The Sidekicks looked at each other, ashamed. Suddenly Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy said, "PAM MAM MAM PAM?"

"Where's Spice Girl?" translated Exact Change Kid.

At that moment, the hangar doors burst open and Mace Windu stormed in, dragging Spice Girl behind him.

Spotting the group and recognizing one as a Jedi, he screamed, "OBI-WAN KENOBI!!!"

Anakin winced in sympathy. Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to hide behind something.

"Yes, Master Windu?"

"BECAUSE OF THIS RACE OF YOURS, YOU WRECKED MY FAVORITE PURPLE SPEEDER!!!"

"Um, sorry?"

"SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH!!!!" Mace spotted Tru and yelled, "AND YOU, TRU VELD!!! GOING ALONG WITH A HAREBRAINED SCHEME IS NOT THE JEDI WAY!!!"

Anakin gathered up the Sidekicks and sneaked away, glad he had escaped the telling-off.

To be continued...

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	10. WHOO! PARTY TIME!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or Sidekicks.

Author's Note: I'm really sorry for the delay!

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**Chapter 10: WHOO! PARTY TIME!**

Anakin had spent the last week training the Sidekicks, and, just as he said, they were each now great pilots, with the exceptions of Earlobe Lad and Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy, who couldn't drive for obvious reasons.

To celebrate this advancement, Anakin made the unwise decision of having the Sidekicks over at his house to have a party. Padmé seemed to think this was a great idea.

"Maybe the twins can make some new friends!" she gushed, cleaning up the breakfast dishes. Anakin sat at the table with Leia, who was reading about ship velocities.

"What's wrong with their friend Han?" Anakin wondered.

Padmé turned, her hands on her hips. "Well, I don't approve of that guy they met at the cantina. You shouldn't be taking the kids there, anyway. It's a bad influence on them."

Leia glanced up from her book. "Are we having a party, Mom? Can Han come?"

"NO!" Padmé said firmly. "It's a party for the League of Big Justice Sidekicks."

"Oh, but Han is a super hero! He flew his ship the fastest on the Kessel Run, you know."

Padmé sighed. "Look, Leia, it isn't a good idea to have Han over. Last time he came to our house, he and your father had a ten-hour argument over who could have the last piece of pizza." She glared at Anakin.

Anakin shrugged innocently. "I like pizza."

"What are we going to eat at the party?" Leia asked, steering the conversation back on track. Anakin opened his mouth to reply, but Padmé interjected, "Not pizza!"

He closed his mouth.

Padmé returned to the sink and scrubbed at a plate. "We should have something healthy for the growing super heroes. What about pasta?"

"PASTA!?" gasped Anakin, "What's so partyish about PASTA!?"

"Partyish isn't a word," Leia informed him.

Padmé rolled her eyes. "What do you suggest, Annie?"

"Pizza and donuts!"

"DONUTS!?" gasped Luke, charging into the kitchen.

"DONUTS!?" Leia agreed.

"DONUTS!?" Padmé said, horrified. "Annie, you can't have the Sidekicks eating DONUTS!"

"Yeah," Luke interjected, "we want to eat them!"

"You're not allowed to eat donuts," pointed out Leia.

"Oh. Right." Luke looked sad. Suddenly he perked up. "Let the Sidekicks eat the donuts! Then Leia can't have any!"

"HEY!" Leia yelled, slamming her book. She dived across the table, reaching out to tackle her brother. Anakin grabbed her and held her back as Leia squirmed to get at Luke.

"Luke, Leia, that's enough," Padmé said crossly. "Go to your rooms."

Luke scampered upstairs. Anakin waited until he heard Luke's door slam, and then he released Leia. She grabbed her ship velocity book and raced up the stairwell.

The house was silent. Padmé sighed in relief and returned to the sink. Washing a bowl, she announced, "Now on to the party plan…."

The next day around suppertime, the Skywalker family was preparing to host their party. Padmé was hanging up multicolored streamers, while Anakin was teaching Luke and Leia how to blow up balloons using the Force.

As another balloon inflated in Anakin's hands, Luke exclaimed, "WOW! COOL!"

Abruptly, the doorbell rang. The opening chords of the Imperial March sounded through the home.

"OOH! Someone's HERE!" Luke cried, bouncing up and down. He hopped toward the door and pulled. "Grrrrr."

Leia got up to help him, but Luke gave the door a final yank and it flew open, slamming Luke into the wall. "Owww," he whimpered from his squished position between the door and the wall.

Leia stepped up to the doorway and welcomed their visitors. "Hi, Han! Hi, Chewy!"

"I thought I told them Han couldn't come," Padmé said accusingly to Anakin. He looked up innocently. "I didn't do anything."

As Leia guided Han and Chewbacca the Wookiee into the kitchen and Padmé went to free Luke, Anakin headed upstairs to change into his Girly Man costume.

When he came back down, Anakin saw that Exact Change Kid, Charisma Kid, and Spice Girl had arrived. Spice Girl was testing all of the chips and dips Luke and Leia had set up on the table. Exact Change Kid was counting the cookies in the oven. Charisma Kid was complementing everyone, as usual.

Anakin had just stepped into the kitchen when the music started up again: DUN DUN DUN DUN DA-DUN DUN DA-DUN….

Anakin opened the door and saw Ketchup Kid and Pattern Man standing on the front steps.

"Hey, Girly Man!" Ketchup Kid enthused, holding out a small pink box laced with pretty pink bows.

"A present? For ME??" Anakin asked shrilly. He took the box and waved his guests inside. As soon as he came back into the kitchen, the doorbell sounded AGAIN.

Anakin sighed and stomped back to the door. This time there weren't any Sidekicks there, just Ferus, Obi-Wan, Darra and Tru.

"Come in," Anakin said.

Darra inquired, "Who are you?"

Anakin was delighted that someone finally had asked. "I'M…" He struck a disco dance move. "GIRLY MAN!!!"

"Oh, so you really are a super hero?" Ferus asked.

"Well, DUH."

As the Jedi entered the living room, Ferus added to them, "That's Anakin."

Anakin sat down to open his box. DUN DUN DUN DUN DA-DUN DUN DA-DUN. DUN DUN DUN DUH-DUH-DUN DUN DUH-DUN.

With an annoyed groan, Anakin used the Force to open the door. Speedy, Boom Boy, Earlobe Lad and Spelling Beatrice stepped inside. Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy rolled in.

"YAY! EVERYONE'S HERE!" cried Spice Girl, "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

Chewbacca growled in agreement. Spice Girl, terrified, leaped into Charisma Kid's arms. "AHHHH!!!" she yelped, "WHAT IS THAT THING!?!"

Chewy tried to assure Spice Girl that he was a Wookiee and wasn't going to hurt her, but Spice Girl just shrieked even louder.

"You're all out to get me," moaned Earlobe Lad, holding his ears in pain.

"MAM PAM!" Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy called.

Han nodded in agreement, "Let's PARTY!" He stuffed a handful of sour cream and onion chips into his mouth, spilling several crumbs onto Padmé's carpet. Padmé twitched, looking like she wanted to tell him off.

"Hey, what's that, Dad?" questioned Luke, pointing to the pink parcel. The room quieted, as everyone turned to look at Girly Man.

"Open it!" Luke cried giddily. Leia, Han and some of the Sidekicks joined in the chant, "OPEN IT! OPEN IT!"

Anakin held up his hands to quiet them. Once the room succumbed to a hush, Anakin began to unwrap his present. He pulled off the wrapping paper to reveal a plain box. He lifted the lid and peered inside.

Anakin gasped.

To be continued...

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	11. No More Barbie Music!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Lizzie McGuire, or any of the songs by Shania Twain or by Rob Thomas.

Author's Note: You really don't have to be familiar with the songs to read this chapter, as small parts of the lyrics are included.

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**Chapter 11: No More Barbie Music!**

"A SHANIA TWAIN CD!!!!!" Anakin squealed happily, in his highest-pitched, girliest voice yet. The windows rattled precariously.

Anakin tore at the plastic wrapping, but could do nothing in his gloves. He dismissed the idea of chopping it open with his lightsaber; he'd ruin the precious, wonderful, lovely, awesome, sweet, great, grand, splendid, valued, cool, (insert adjective here) CD.

"Scissors," he ordered. Leia carefully carried over a pair of scissors, holding them by the blades as is proper.

Anakin snipped his way through the packaging and opened the CD case. He stared down lovingly at the CD. Then he stood up and strode through the room to the CD player. There he placed the CD inside and pressed 'Play'.

Loud music filled the room. Earlobe Lad whimpered and ran outside. Darra cried, "YAY!" She leaped up on the coffee table and began to sing, using her lightsaber as a microphone.

"I'm having a party!" She reached out and grabbed Charisma Kid by the hair. "Sing!" she hissed to him.

"I-I don't think I can come," Charisma Kid stuttered in an off-key voice. From somewhere in the room Speedy laughed.

"This ain't just any kind of party!"

"I think I'll stay at home," Charisma Kid said, sounding like the Paolo guy in the Lizzie McGuire movie without the music to cover for him.

Speedy just laughed even harder. Darra frowned at Charisma Kid. "Can't you sing?"

"Of course I can!" Charisma Kid replied, puffing out his chest.

Darra rolled her eyes. "Then DO IT!"

She added in her singing voice, "It's gonna be really, really hot!"

"Starting to sound good," Charisma Kid said in the same horrible, off-key voice. Darra pushed him off her 'stage'. She reached down and grabbed Obi-Wan by the braid.

"NO! You're not roping ME into this!" he shrieked, struggling to escape. Darra sighed bitterly and looked around for a new victim.

At that moment, Ferus jumped onto the coffee table and announced, "I'M HAVING A PARTY!"

"A PARTY FOR TWO!" Darra answered, grinning at him.

Han pressed 'Skip', and then the next song started: "He drinks, he smokes…." Han sang along, wearing a shower cap that he had found somewhere.

"HEY!" Darra screamed, "TURN IT BACK!!!"

But Han wasn't listening. However, several people didn't like the new song. Speedy used his super speed to zip by and switch the song. But because of the velocity at which he pressed the button, he changed the track several times.

A new song began, "It's as bad as it could be…."

"Bad as it could be," Tru echoed, bouncing onto the stage and pushing the two other Jedi Knights off it. Luke joined him, hoping he could somehow mooch a donut off Uncle Tru.

"Seems everybody's bugging me," Luke announced.

"Bugging me," Tru said into his lightsaber. Luke looked around for a suitable microphone, since he wasn't legally a Padawan and thus not allowed to have a lightsaber. Getting an idea, he raced into the kitchen and grabbed a coffee cup. He returned to the stage just in time for his line, "I wish that I could grow a beard!"

Obi-Wan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe I should grow a beard…."

"No," Leia, his new Padawan, informed him intelligently.

"Up, up up! Can only go-" suddenly the music stopped. Luke turned and glared at Han, who stood by the stereo.

"He drinks-"

Speedy tried another fly-by change of songs, but Chewbacca stepped in his path, growling.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screamed Leia, blocking out the lyrics as she lunged at Han. His eyes widened and he dodged out of the way as Leia leaped at him, pink lightsaber about to swipe down at him.

HISSSSS!

Leia's lightsaber went right through the stereo, burning it in half. The music stopped abruptly.

"AHHH!!!" Anakin yelled, rushing forward. He pulled his Shania Twain CD out of the rubble and gingerly checked it over.

"It's all right," he announced finally, "we've got another stereo upstairs."

Tru and Speedy went to fetch the new stereo. When they plugged it in, Anakin placed his CD reverently inside. Tru pressed 'Shuffle'.

Booming country music shook the house. "Hit it!" Spice Girl cried, jumping onto the table.

"From the start, it was falling apart. I was late for work and the boss got smart!" Here Spice Girl paused thoughtfully. "I wonder what school he went to. They must have really good teachers."

"SING ALREADY!" Boom Boy yelled, stopping his funky dancing for one moment.

"THIS SONG IS BORING!" Han supplied. "WHY DON'T I-"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Leia, Speedy and Darra yelled.

Han threw up his hands. "Sheesh. I was just going to suggest I put in my new CD."

"Ooh! What is it? What is it? What is it?" demanded Luke, jumping up and down.

Han smiled proudly. "My Rob Thomas CD."

"WOW COOL!" Luke yelled, "PUT IT IN! PUT IT IN!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Leia wailed, but it was too late. The noise of pounding drums began, similar to the music during the Durmstrang students' arrival in the fourth Harry Potter movie.

Han took the stage and began to sing.

After the first song, Ferus and Obi-Wan jumped on the coffee table. They joined in singing 'Lonely No More'.

As Han sang the first refrain, "I don't want to be lonely no more! I don't want to have to pay for this," the door burst open and Qui-Gon entered.

"HEY! I LIKE THIS SONG!" he yelled, Force-leaping from the doorway to the coffee table.

CRACK! The coffee table crashed to the ground under the collective weight of Han, Ferus, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. They fell to the floor in a heap.

Darra stepped on to Han's back and continued with the song, "I don't want to be angry no more!"

She glanced down at Anakin, who was trying to force Chewbacca and Speedy to let him put his Shania Twain CD back in and winked. "This could be a good song for you, G. M."

Anakin growled in frustration. The Shania Twain CD was his new CD!! They should be listening to it!!!

Suddenly the music turned off. All the dancers stopped and looked toward the stereo. Exact Change Kid announced, "The Sidekicks have an important announcement! We're initiating a new member!" With this, he turned and gestured to Luke. "COFFEE LASS!"

Padmé, who had been standing in the kitchen doorway, screeched, "COFFEE LASS!?! THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE ALLOWING MY SON TO GO AROUND CALLING HIMSELF COFFEE LASS!!!!!!"

Exact Change Kid put up his hands. "Okay, lady. Calm down. I present to you… COFFEE LAD!!!"

The crowd cheered. Luke looked sad. "But I LIKED 'Coffee Lass'," he whined to Padmé. She shook her head and sighed.

To be continued...

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	12. Enter Asajj Ventress, Pyromaniac

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Coke or The Princess Bride.

Author's Note: Oops! I just realized that one of the lines from the songs in the last chapter was not 'From the start' but instead 'Car won't start'. Oh well...

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**Chapter 12: Enter Asajj Ventress, Pyromaniac**

Several long, loud hours later, the party was over. The guests headed home, happy. They hummed along to their favorite songs of the evening. All were very satisfied with the party's success. Everyone, that is, except Charisma Kid. He was angry. Very, very angry. He hated Girly Man for having chopped off his head. But no one cares about what Charisma Kid was doing.

Padmé flopped down on the sofa, closing her eyes to the big mess in the living room. "Whew. Some party," she sighed, rubbing her temples. She glanced blearily around at the ruins of the coffee table, Luke (who was licking the wood to see if the table really was made out of coffee), the chip crumbs mashed into the carpet, and the scattered paper drink cups. Right now, she was too tired to even think about cleaning.

"Annie, go tuck the kids into bed," she yawned, and stumbled up the stairs.

The next morning, Padmé bustled around the kitchen, putting away dishes from last night, serving Luke and Leia, and chucking paper cups into the garbage. Anakin stared at his busy wife as he made himself some cereal.

Abruptly, the doorbell rang. Padmé looked over at her husband meaningfully. Anakin sighed and headed into the living room. He opened the door to see Obi-Wan.

"Hello, Master," Anakin said, stifling a yawn.

Obi-Wan looked sheepish. "Anakin, I was hoping I could stay at your place for a while. I kind of…flooded my apartment."

Anakin was too tired to wonder how Obi-Wan could flood his house, or why he didn't find a new place to stay at the Jedi Temple. Anakin gestured for Obi-Wan to come in.

"Great!" Obi-Wan cried cheerfully, charging inside. Anakin blinked at the sunny day outside and closed the door.

In the kitchen, Obi-Wan stole the bowl of cereal on the counter and sat down to eat. Grumbling to himself, Anakin went to make himself a new breakfast.

At that moment, music rang through the house. DUN DUN DUN…. Anakin headed back to the door.

"What?" he demanded of an angry Mace Windu.

"Some idiot flooded their apartment and the water seeped through the ceiling into mine!" Mace yelled.

Anakin stared sleepily. "Huh?"

Mace growled, took a deep breath, regained his calm demeanor and replied slowly, "My. Apartment. Flooded."

Anakin nodded and let Mace in.

Before Anakin had taken two steps toward the kitchen, the doorbell sounded AGAIN. Anakin stomped up to it and snapped, "What?"  
At the door was Qui-Gon, carrying a suitcase covered with stickers from around the galaxy. "Hello, Anakin. I thought I'd stay at your place. My apartment flooded."

"Yours too?!"

"Yeah. It was probably Mace Windu's fault. I had just moved back into the temple yesterday, and his quarters are just above mine."

"Ookay." Anakin hurried back to the kitchen. Thankfully, no one had stolen his cereal THIS TIME.

Luke looked up at Anakin hopefully. "We're going to the League of Big Justice Headquarters of Big Justice today, aren't we, Dad? Aren't we?"

Anakin nodded. "You have to put on your uniform."

"Okay!" With that, Luke raced upstairs. In moments, he was back down again, wearing a brown spandex outfit embroidered with a coffee cup. "C'mon Dad! Let's go!"

Luke tugged at Anakin's arm. Anakin pulled away and promised, "Soon, Luke. I have to get my Girly Man suit on."

"I'll get it for you!" Luke offered eagerly.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Patience, Luke. Go watch TV or something."

Luke skipped into the living room and sat on the couch next to Qui-Gon, who was watching a movie called The Princess Bride. Luke thought that it was a boring kissy movie, but he kept quiet.

Meanwhile, Anakin headed upstairs to get ready for a day at the League of Big Justice Headquarters of Big Justice. Padmé was trying to stop an argument over the flooded apartments between Obi-Wan and Mace. Leia tuned them all out, reading about the dangers of playing with matches.

"HEY EVERYONE!" Anakin announced, gamboling down the steps in his pink suit of girlyness.

"I'M…" he sang, starting to do his funky introduction dance. Then he stopped, seeing that no one was paying attention. Angry, Anakin grabbed a can of Coke from the fridge and smashed it on Mace Windu's head. The Jedi Master fainted.

Padmé stepped up to Anakin, and begged, "Please, don't leave me here with them…."

At that moment, Obi-Wan sang, "CHEESE! CHEESE! Oh, it's cheeeeese," as he took a block of cheese out of the fridge and carried it lovingly to the table.

Padmé glanced over at Obi-Wan and then turned back to Anakin. "Please," she whispered.

"Sorry," said Girly Man. Then he entered the living room and called, "Coffee Lad! Let's go!"

Luke jumped to his feet.

"He's not left handed!" Qui-Gon yelled at the characters on-screen. Luke edged past him and stared up at Anakin, eyes bright. "I'm gonna be a Sidekick!" he whispered, exhilarated.

The pair exited the house and Anakin led Coffee Lad over to the Girly Mobile of Big Justice.

"Wowcool!" Luke grinned, strapping himself into the front seat. Anakin sat down beside him and took the controls.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Luke giggled as the ship blasted off. Anakin dauntlessly twisted and turned the speeder, swerving and racing past the traffic.

About forty-five seconds later, Anakin landed the GMBJ in front of the League of Big Justice Headquarters of Big Justice.

Anakin got out of the speeder and pointed toward a wooden lodge off to the side. "That is the Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness. You'll meet your fellow Sidekicks there."

"Okay!" Luke skipped off toward the building. Anakin watched his son go, and then turned toward the larger Headquarters of Big Justice.

Luke entered the Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness. "Hello!" he called cheerfully to the other Sidekicks seated at the Sidekicks Super Fold-Out Table. Exact Change Kid announced, "Okay. Now that we're all here, let's start the attendance."

He cleared his throat and asked, "Speedy?"

"Here!"

"Charisma Kid?"

"He's out on a date with himself," Spice Girl piped up.

Luke frowned, "My Mom says you're not allowed to do that."

"Charisma Kid's too good for rules," Speedy supplied dryly.

"Okay! Okay! Order in the Clubhouse!" Exact Change Kid cried. "Earlobe Lad?"

"Here," whispered the Sidekick from under the table.

"Spice Girl?"

"Voila!"

"Spelling Beatrice?"

"Here!"

"Ketchup Kid?"

"What's up?"

"The ceiling!" Spice Girl cried, clapping her hands excitedly like she had won a prize.

"Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy?"

"MAM PAM!!"

Luke poked Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy's bubble. It was squishy.

"Boom Boy?"

"Yo!"

"Exact Change Kid? Here!" Exact Change Kid then looked up at Luke.

"And our newest member, Coff-"

Abruptly, a cackle came from a corner of the room. "What about me?!" asked the voice, pretending to sound insulted.

"Who are you??" Exact Change Kid gasped.

A match was lit, and the Sidekicks gasped in horror at the white skull-like face they saw. The figure also had a long neck like Master Poof's, except theirs was black and white.

"I AM ASAJJ VENTRESS, SITH APPRENTICE!" The Sith laughed evilly and threw the match at the wall. Instantly a wall of smoke grew around the Sidekicks. The Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness was ON FIRE!

To be continued...

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	13. DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO LEIA'S BOOK?

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Coke, 'Lonely No More', Jell-O or Sidekicks.

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**Chapter 13: DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO LEIA'S BOOK!?!**

"GIRLY MANNNNNNN!!!!!!" Luke screamed in a girly voice to rival Girly Man's. Then Luke coughed on the smoke.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" cackled Asajj.

"That's not how you do it!" Luke gasped.

At that moment, Spice Girl started screaming. "SPICE GIRL!! What's wrong!? Where are you!?" Luke looked around desperately, but all he could see was smoke and flames.

Anakin had parked his Girly Mobile of Big Justice, and was walking back to the League of Big Justice Headquarters of Big Justice when he saw the Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness go up in flames.

Worried about Luke, Anakin ran toward the clubhouse when he saw first Spice Girl, and then Boom Boy appear outside.

"What happened!?" Spice Girl gasped. "One minute I was doomed, the next out here!"

"Who cares!?!" supplied Boom Boy.

A second later, Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy was outside as well. "MAM PAM MAAM PAM PAM!!" he announced.

"It's Speedy!" Boom Boy translated. "Good old Speedy!"

Anakin dashed back to the Parking Lot of Big Justice and took a Watering Can of Wetness out of the trunk of the Girly Mobile. He raced back to the clubhouse and started pouring water on it.

Pattern Man was humming to himself as he strolled toward the Parking Lot of Big Justice. He had just finished his shift on guard duty and was about to go out for lunch when he noticed the fire licking up into the air.

"Ketchup Kid!" he gasped, and sprinted toward the burning Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness.

"STAND BACK!" Pattern Man roared to Girly Man, Spice Girl, Boom Boy, Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy and now Spelling Beatrice. They moved away as Pattern Man aimed his wrist flamethrower at the clubhouse and set it to 'Water Gun'.

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHH!!!!

A big jet of water splashed onto the remains of the clubhouse, chasing away the fire. For a moment, the group stared at the blackened building. Then Speedy raced Exact Change Kid, Ketchup Kid and Earlobe Lad out.

Just as Speedy ran out with Coffee Lad, Charisma Kid showed up. He smiled, his teeth shining in the sun, and announced, "Another mission well done, Side-" he didn't get to finish, as Speedy accidentally rammed into him. Charisma Kid's head toppled off.

"Hey!" screeched Charisma Kid's head as it rolled away. Charisma Kid ran after his head, but ran into Girly Man. Charisma Kid fell down and looked dazed. A moment later, he got up and walked in the other direction.

"Is everyone okay?" Pattern Man asked with authority, looking over the Sidekicks. They all answered affirmatively.

Spice Girl started cheering, but stopped when no one else joined in. "I'm sad now."

"You should be," a voice boomed. The Sidekicks, Girly Man and Pattern Man turned around to see Asajj Ventress standing on the Girly Mobile of Big Justice, a match flickering in one hand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Anakin wailed. Asajj cackled and lowered the match, preparing to light the speeder on fire.

"COFFEE POWERS, ACTIVATE!!" Luke screamed, taking four coffee beans he'd stolen from Qui-Gon out of his pocket. Using the beginnings of his Force powers, he hurled the beans at Asajj Ventress.

BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK!

Amazingly, all four coffee beans hit Asajj point-blank in the middle of her forehead. Her white eyes rolled back into her head and she fainted.

"Yay!" cried Spice Girl, jumping up and down like a cheerleader.

Pattern Man took out his comlink and called the other super heroes in the League of Big Justice. He arranged for them to imprison the Sith apprentice.

Meanwhile, the Sidekicks stared at their burned-down meeting place.

"Where are we going to have the meetings now?" Ketchup Kid wondered.

Spice Girl stopped her cheer. "We've got no where to go!" she wailed.

Anakin looked thoughtful. "Maybe – for the time being – you could have your Sidekicks meetings at my house."

"YAAAAY!!!" Spice Girl shouted, starting to dance again.

"Wait – let's vote on it," Exact Change Kid said, pulling out his Notebook of Big Justice.

Speedy rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go!"

Exact Change Kid shook his head. "Speedy, we already voted that that's not our battle cry!"

Speedy took a deep breath and sighed, "Fine. I vote we have our meeting at Girly Man's house."

Exact Change Kid looked pleased. "All in favor say 'aye'!"

"AYE!" yelled Spice Girl, doing a cheer. "GIMME AN A! A! GIMME A Y! Y! GIMME AN E! E! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? AYE!!"

"Aye!" The others all announced. Coffee Lad bounced up and down excitedly.

"Alright! That's eight for, zero against." Exact Change Kid tapped his notebook with the eraser of his pencil. "That's a yes."

"YAY!" squealed Spice Girl, jumping into the Girly Mobile of Big Justice. The other Sidekicks swiftly followed.

The scene that met the Sidekicks at the Skywalker home was chaotic. Mace Windu was sitting outside in his bathing suit on a lawn chair, reading a book and holding an ice pack to his head where the can of Coke had hit him. The problem was, he was reading aloud and several young kids from the neighboring houses had gathered around to hear him. They were all drinking cans of Coke (which they had stolen from the fridge).

Anakin strode up the drive, ignoring the crowd on the lawn. He took the Sidekicks inside where they met the REAL insaneness.

The song 'Lonely No More' played over and over at maximum volume, shaking the house to its roots. There were patches of Jell-O stuck EVERYWHERE. Earlobe Lad took one step into the house and fainted.

Leia emerged from the kitchen, wearing Jedi robes and her hair in a Padawan braid. She smiled and said, "Hi! Did you have a good time?"

"Our Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness was ON FIRE!" Luke explained eagerly.

"Oh my," Leia gasped.

Qui-Gon walked into the room, holding a hairbrush and singing into it. He wore a bathrobe and had pink curlers in his hair.

"MAM PAAAAAM!!!!" Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy yelled, rolling away into the kitchen. However, no one heard him over the music.

CRASH!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" screamed Obi-Wan's voice from the kitchen.

The Sidekicks, Qui-Gon and Anakin raced in to the room. Anakin spotted Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy crawling out of the remains of his bubble.

Anakin gasped. "It's YOU!"

To be continued...

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	14. Robots Just Wanna Have Fun

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Pirates of the Caribbean, 'Any Man of Mine' by Shania Twain or Pokemon (thank goodness I don't own Ash...I hate him).

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**Chapter 14: Robots Just Wanna Have Fun**

The man in the bubble picked up his black tri-corner hat and secured it on his head. A small furry monkey leapt onto his shoulder and the man stepped away from the pink mess that looked like someone had popped their bubble gum.

"Jack, Jack," he drawled, "My name's not 'YOU'."

"Um…No one here is named Jack," Spice Girl pointed out nervously.

"Where's Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy?" Speedy demanded.

The man shrugged casually. "I've never heard of this…'Bubble Boy'. I just found the ball in a garage sale."

"Oh no! What if something's happened to him??" wailed Spice Girl, looking extremely worried.

Exact Change Kid added, scribbling quickly in his notebook, "Who are you?"

The man laughed. "I am Captain Barbosa!"

Suddenly, the house exploded! Everything wobbled as the walls, the roof and the floors blew up.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" screamed Spice Girl, ducking her head.

As soon as it started, the explosion was over. Everyone looked around in shock.

Suddenly an evil cackling broke out on the hill. A raspy laugh joined in, "MUA HA HACK HA HA HA HACK COUGH,"

"Want a coffee drop?!" Luke yelled.

"It's 'cough drop'," Leia hissed.

Asajj Ventress strode down the hill, followed by the hulking, menacing robotic form of General Grievous.

"You look like Poof," Luke informed Asajj.

"POOF!!?? WHERE?! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" yelled Mace Windu, dropping his book and trying to inch backwards. However, this made the lawn chair fall over and squish him beneath it.

The young kids looked up and saw the TERRIFYING form of GENERAL GRIEVOUS. They disbanded, screaming as they tried to get away.

"Go get them!" Asajj cackled, pointing to the group of super heroes, Padmé and the Jedi.

General Grievous took a step forward. The Sidekicks cowered, thinking they were doomed. Speedy was trying to think of a plan to defeat the giant robot.

Abruptly, Grievous stopped. He listened intently. You could still hear the faint sounds of the stereo, stuck under a pile of rubble.

Grievous started sobbing. "Oh, I wanted to be a tap-dancer…but then I got sucked into the evil business and haven't been able to get out!"

Surprisingly, Leia stepped forward and patted the robot on the arm. "Don't worry. I read a tap-dancing manual. I'll teach you."

General Grievous stopped crying. "R-Really?" he gasped.

Leia nodded, smiling reassuringly.

"Oh, I love you!" General Grievous looked like he wanted to hug Leia, but thought better of it.

The precious moment was interrupted as Asajj stepped forward, her face contorted with anger.

"Shut up, girl," she snapped. "This is my evil minion, General Grievous."

"Wow, Leia's a super hero!" Luke whispered. "Shut Up Girl!"

Leia glared back at her brother, hissing, "Luke, shut up!"

"Great super power," Exact Change Kid noted, writing it down in his Notebook of Big Justice.

"Not any more!" Grievous rumbled. He removed a pink bracelet from his arm and tossed it at Asajj. "I am no longer your best friend!"

Asajj glowered. "FINE!" She pointed one long finger at Captain Barbosa. "HE'S my new BEST FRIEND!"

Barbosa stepped up to her and accepted the pink bracelet adorned with hearts and flowers.

"Now, here are the rules. Sign here," Asajj ordered, handing a sheet of paper to Barbosa. He read it over and frowned.

"Isn't this a song? 'Any man of mine better walk the line' and 'If I make him dinner and I burn it black…'?"

Asajj glared at him. "I found it on the internet and it made a nice set of rules, okay!?"

Barbosa scrawled his name at the bottom of the sheet and handed it back. Asajj smiled and nodded.

"Goooood. Veeery goooood."

"Okay, that was creepy," Luke whispered to the other Sidekicks.

"Now, to take over the world!" Asajj cackled, skipping away with Barbosa and the monkey.

The group stood in silence for a moment, and then Luke asked in a small voice, "Where are we going to live now?"

Padmé sighed, staring at the ruins of their home. "I don't know, Luke."

"And what about our Clubhouse?" Exact Change Kid wondered.

Spice Girl started to cry. "We're DOOMED! We can't be super heroes without the Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness!"

"I'm sure we can find a place for you to stay," Padmé assured the Sidekicks. She started rummaging through the house, looking for her comlink.

"MUA HA HA HA HA!" a voice suddenly said.

Anakin moved to stand beside Padmé. "Who's there?!" he barked.

Two figures in white uniforms emblazoned with giant red 'R's stood on what used to be the remnants of the coffee table.

"Prepare for trouble!" yelled the girl.

"And make it double," the boy continued.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"Jessie!" cried the girl.

"James," announced the boy.

"Team Rocket! Blast off at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight," they chanted.

"Meowth! That's right!" finished a cat-like creature, jumping up onto the dilapidated couch.

The Jedi and Sidekicks stared with their mouths open. "What are you doing here?" Padmé finally blurted.

"Hand over Pikachu," Jessie ordered.

"Pika-what?" wondered Anakin.

Jessie growled in frustration. "That thing behind you, pink man!"

"It's GIRLY MAN!" snapped Luke, glaring up at Team Rocket. The rest of the group turned around to see a small yellow mouse sitting a few feet away.

"How cute!" Leia exclaimed, walking closer to the Pikachu.

"PIKAAAAAAACHUUUU!!!!" Suddenly, bolts of electricity flew out from the Pikachu's red cheeks and hit Leia.

"AAAH!!!" she yelped, twitching as volts coursed through her. Speedy ran by at light speed, grabbed Leia and carried her back to the Sidekicks.

Luke took a step toward Pikachu, shaking a fist. "NO ONE messes with SHUT UP GIRL!" he screamed.

Just as Pikachu was about to unleash another thunder shock attack, Obi-Wan leaped in front of Luke and activated his lightsaber.

ZAP! The bolts bounced off the laser blade back at Pikachu. The lightning hit him and he fainted.

"WHOOHOO! We caught Pikachu!" sang Meowth, doing a happy dance as Jessie and James stuck Pikachu in a cage. Then, as the Sidekicks watched, Team Rocket ran away.

"Maybe I'll be a Sidekick after all," Leia said dazedly. "Just stop calling me Shut Up Girl. I'm…" Here she paused pensively. "Charisma Kid."

"But there's already a Charisma Kid!" Exact Change Kid exclaimed.

Speedy grinned. "Let's kick the old Charisma Kid out of the Sidekicks!"

"Let's vote," Exact Change Kid suggested, but at that moment, three people ran up. The first, a boy with spiky black hair and a red-and-white hat gasped, "Have you seen Pikachu?!"

To be continued...

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	15. It's… MAKEOVER TIME!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks or Pokemon.

-----------------------------------------------

**Chapter 15: It's… MAKEOVER TIME!!!**

At the Secret Sith Headquarters, Dooku was relaxing in a spa. Some NEW and IMPROVED "cow" battle droids were tending to him. These droids had cow ears, black spots and 'COW' written in vibrant pink on them.

The droids were carefully washing out Dooku's hair and dyeing it purple. Other droids were turning his beard a bright highlighter yellow. Dooku was also wearing his deep pink cape and brilliant green robes.

It was secretly Count Dooku's dream to reflect the sun. Now, with his accomplice Darth Maul gone, Dooku thought that there was no one left to tease him about his choice in colors.

"Don't forget my nails," Dooku reminded a cow droid.

"Of course, sir," the droid replied in a metallic voice.

-

"Oh, you mean that yellow mouse?" Luke asked dismissively. "He attacked Sh-Charisma Kid."

"And then what?" a tall boy asked. He had his eyes closed, yet he never seemed to run into anything. This fact was very fascinating to young Luke.

"Some people who called themselves 'Team Rocket' captured him," Luke stated bluntly.

The first boy sat on the couch and cried. The girl with orange pigtails explained, "Pikachu was his favorite Pokémon. By the way, I'm Misty, and this is Brock and Ash."

Exact Change Kid walked up to Luke. "Coffee Lad, do you vote for Charisma Kid to join the Sidekicks?"

"SITHSPIT!"

"Luke!" chastised Padmé.

"Is that a yes or a no?" Exact Change Kid asked obliviously.

"YES!" Luke screamed gleefully.

"Okay." Exact Change Kid moved off to ask Speedy for his vote.

Mace Windu picked himself up from beneath his lawn chair and declared, "I'M GOING HOME!"

However, nobody knew nor cared. Mace Windu didn't even remember that his apartment was flooded.

Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon also wandered off, probably in search of cheese. Padmé found her comlink and was calling everyone she knew to see if they would allow her family to stay with them. The Sidekicks, Misty and Brock were puzzling over the Pikachu problem.

Suddenly Ash walked up and tapped Exact Change Kid on the shoulder.

"Are you super heroes?" he asked eagerly.

When Exact Change Kid nodded, Ash's face brightened. His face was so luminous, Dooku would be jealous that he was reflecting the sun MORE than him, and Ash was only a beginner! Dooku himself was an absolutely adept EXPERT!

"I always wanted to be a super hero," Ash gushed. He struck a pose and declared, "Call me POKÉ-MAN!!!"

Exact Change Kid shook his head. "Sorry, lads, lasses, girls, boys and kids only."

Ash looked glum. Then he grinned, "Okay! I'll be…POKÉMON TRAINER LAD!!!"

Exact Change Kid recorded this in his notebook. "Now you'll need a uniform."

Leia, who had been behind a block of a wall, strode out proudly in her new Charisma Kid outfit: a pink spandex suit with a princess's tiara on her chest. She had her hair up in two cinnamon bun-like buns.

"How do I look?" she inquired cheerfully, doing a little spin.

Ash got an idea. Removing everything but his boxers and his hat, he shouted, "HEY EVERYONE!!! I'M POKÉMON TRAINER LAD!!!"

Leia took one look at him and burst out laughing.

Misty frowned. "You might want to work on your uniform."

"We usually wear spandex," Spelling Beatrice supplied, her eyes tightly shut.

"Awww," Ash whimpered. He went off in search of spandex.

At that moment, a boy in a spandex suit depicting his head walked up. "Hello!" he called.

"Charisma Kid, you'll make a great Sidekick," Luke said happily.

"I am," Charisma Kid said proudly, puffing out his chest.

Speedy looked at Charisma Kid and smirked. "Charisma Kid, meet Charisma Kid, the new Sidekick."

"W-What?!?" gasped Charisma Kid, looking aghast. He stared speechlessly at Leia.

"Hi. Nice to meet you," Leia said politely.

For a minute, no one spoke. "You have to change your name," Charisma Kid finally snapped. "I'M the one and only famous CHARISMA KID!"

Leia shrugged innocently. "Fine, I'll be Princess Lass."

Exact Change Kid crossed out something in his notebook. "You'd better stop changing your name, Princess Lass. First, it was Shut Up Girl, then Charisma Kid, and now Princess Lass. No one will remember who you are."

Leia rolled her eyes. "It was LUKE who called me Shut Up Girl."

Abruptly, Ash ran up to the group, panting. He took a moment to regain his breath, and then he attempted a cartwheel. He landed flat on his face. Standing up, he yelled, "I'M POKÉMON TRAINER LAD!!"

Charisma Kid laughed. "Is this who you have as Sidekicks these days?! HA HA HA!!!"

Ash's face turned red in anger. It looked like his head would pop off. This reminded Anakin of Poof, with his swaying head that looked like it would pop if you poked it.

"I like your uniform," Spice Girl pointed out.

Ash deflated, turned the proper color and smiled. "Thanks."

Ash was wearing an entirely black spandex outfit with the image of an opening Pokéball on his chest. He also had an extra-long blue sheet tied around his shoulders. He also had his hat on backward.

A determined expression settled on Ash's face. He pumped one arm in the air. "NOW LET'S SAVE PIKACHU!!" he shouted fiercely.

Padmé flicked off her comlink. "You Sidekicks go do your thing. I'm going to Naboo; Queen Apailana says we can come there."

Padmé turned to Anakin and said, "Afterwards take the Sidekicks and go to Theed palace. I'll meet you there."

After casting an uneasy glance at him, Padmé took Grievous by the arm. "Let's go."

And with that, Padmé strode off to find a ship. Anakin glanced around at the super heroes in his charge: Charisma Kid, Speedy, Coffee Lad, Princess Lass, Spice Girl, Pokémon Trainer Lad, Boom Boy, the unconscious Earlobe Lad, Spelling Beatrice, Exact Change Kid and Ketchup Kid. Misty and Brock were also there.

"Let's go," Anakin ordered, leading the way toward the Girly Mobile of Big Justice.

To be continued...

--------------------------------------


	16. Not Quite the Greatest Pokémon Duel Ever

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Pokémon, or iPods.

Author's Note: It's been a while, but I'm back to post the rest of this story!

------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 16: Not Quite the Greatest Pokémon Duel Ever**

Eleven of the Sidekicks, Misty and Brock rode with Anakin in the Girly Mobile of Big Justice, swooping around Coruscant with an eye out for Team Rocket and Pikachu.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Luke whined.

"NO, NO and NO!!" Anakin snapped from the pilot's seat.

"Wait," Earlobe Lad suddenly hissed, tugging on Speedy's sleeve. "I know where Pikachu is."

"YOU KNOW WHERE PIKACHU IS!?!?" Ash yelled, turning to face Earlobe Lad. The large-eared Sidekick winced and covered his ears. Anakin, who'd heard Ash's shout, swerved the GMBJ out of the space lane. They drifted around the Senate as Anakin glanced back at Earlobe Lad.

"WHERE IS PIKACHU!!??" Ash demanded. Speedy put a hand over Ash's mouth so that everyone could hear Earlobe Lad's nearly inaudible whisper. "I heard someone in one of the buildings say 'Pikachu'," the Sidekick explained.

Anakin kicked the ship into reverse and they sped by in the same way they had come. The GMBJ was silent, everyone waiting to see if they had found their quarry.

"There!" Earlobe Lad announced quietly, pointing to a tall tower. It was a block of Senators' apartments. Anakin landed the speeder outside the building.

"Okay," he said, thinking of a plan. "We'll split up in groups and search the building. We'll keep in contact with comlinks – you all have comlinks, right?"

When the majority of the Sidekicks shook their heads, Anakin sighed. "Fine. Stupid sueprhero budget - they spend everything on new iPods for Pumpkin Pete." He looked around at the Sidekicks. "Earlobe Lad, Speedy, Charisma Kid, Pokémon Trainer Lad, Misty, Brock and Coffee Lad come with me. The rest of you will stay by the speeder and come if we need you."

Anakin stepped out of the speeder, the Sidekicks trailing him. Then Earlobe Lad led the way to the front entrance. He yanked open the door and walked in. The others followed.

They were in a fancy lobby. Anakin looked around at the rich colors and lights and sincerely hoped that no one saw them. That would be very embarrassing.

The elevator dinged (to Earlobe Lad's pain) and the super heroes piled in. Anakin squished in the elevator after them and called, "Earlobe Lad, which floor?"

After a brief pause, Earlobe Lad murmured, "Try the top floor."

Luke, who was closest to the buttons, pressed all the numbers up to twenty-five. The elevator rose and then opened on the second floor with a positive ding. Earlobe Lad moaned and pressed himself into the corner.

Anakin tried to draw on his Jedi calm. But with each floor they passed, more and more Senators stopped to stare at the people in brightly colored spandex packed like sardines into the elevator.

Finally, the elevator stopped at the twenty-fifth floor. Anakin strode determinedly out. The Sidekicks tumbled out after him, and they landed in a heap.

"Oh no!" cried Charisma Kid's head, rolling away down the hall.

Meanwhile, Team Rocket stood before Count Dooku. He was still in the spa, crowded around by cow droids.

"We caught Pikachu!" James gloated for the 100th time. Dooku groaned and put his head in his hands. His fresh vibrant purple nail polish shone in the light.

"See?" Meowth crowed, showing off the caged yellow mouse.

"PIKA!" yelled Pikachu indignantly.

Suddenly Dooku remembered how angry Darth Sidious had been when had found out that Dooku HADN'T turned Anakin Skywalker to the dark side and had gotten Darth Maul killed. Maybe a new apprentice would please him.

Dooku folded his hands on his lap and snapped, "Go."

As Jessie reached for the cage, Dooku added, "Leave the rodent."

Team Rocket high-tailed it out of there. Dooku leaned forward and observed Pikachu keenly for a moment.

"I have a deal for you…."

Anakin walked down the corridor with the Sidekicks, feeling quite idiotic. They were in the Senator's living complex! Why would Pikachu's captors be here?

Abruptly, a girl, a boy and a cat thing raced around the corner and skidded to a halt in front of the super heroes.

"IT'S TEAM ROCKET!" Misty and Brock chorused.

Jessie forced a grin. "It's us, twerps, and this time you're going down!" She pulled out a Pokéball. "Arbok, GO!"

A gigantic purple snake appeared, hissing menacingly.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Earlobe Lad wailed.

Jessie laughed. "Cower in fear, twerps!"

James tossed his Pokéball in the air. "WHEEZING!"

A thing that looked like a double-headed purple lump materialized in the air. "Wheeeez," it commented.

Brock pushed his way to the front of the Sidekicks. "Let me handle this," he announced, "GO ONYX!"

A big rock snake landed in the corridor. Misty opened her mouth to say something when suddenly, CRACK!

The floor broke open and Onyx fell through, roaring in shock as he crashed through level after level.

Brock stared down the hole. "NO! ONYX!" He leaped down the pit. Misty sighed, murmured, "I guess someone's gotta watch him," and dived after Brock.

Anakin held out a hand and drew on the Force. He pushed Jessie, James and Meowth into their two Pokémon. The entirety of Team Rocket plummeted down the hole after Onyx.

"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN," they cried, before they hit the basement parking level and landed in an open-top speeder. Team Rocket glanced at each other, and then fainted. Onyx lay nearby, sprawled out over several crushed vehicles. Brock and Misty were sitting on the huge Pokémon.

Meanwhile, Anakin was Force-lifting the Sidekicks over the pit. Once all across, Earlobe Lad led the way down the hall. He finally stopped in front of a door at the end.

"Here it is," he whispered, backing off to the side so Anakin was in front. Anakin stared up at the door. Then he noticed the golden plate on the wall: Supreme Chancellor, 987.

Anakin gasped in horror. If Earlobe Lad was right, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine had stolen Pikachu. If the Sidekick was wrong…well, Anakin would be in a lot of trouble for barging in unannounced and for accusing the Chancellor of a felony.

Taking a deep breath, Anakin raised one pink-gloved hand and knocked.

To be continued...

-------------------------------------


	17. Now THIS is the Duel of the Century

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, 'Why Not' by Hilary Duff, Pokémon, or the math symbol п (pi).

---------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 17: Now THIS is the Duel of the Century**

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Anakin's forceful knock echoed down the hall. He waited several moments, but no one came to the door. Anakin tried again, to the same result. He sighed.

"Never try this at home," Anakin informed Luke. He ignited his lightsaber and sliced the door clean off its hinges.

THUMP.

Anakin walked around the door and examined the dark room. It appeared to be a living room, with ruby-red couches arranged around a table, and ornate paintings on the walls.

"A coffee table!" Luke whispered, rushing forward to hug it. Anakin rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, a soft voice began singing, "Why not? Take a crazy chance! Why not? Do a crazy dance!"

Anakin gave Luke a sharp look to quiet him, but Luke was licking the coffee table. And the voice…it was coming from the next room!

Anakin strode past the couches and peered into the next room. He blinked, allowing his eyes to adjust to the bright spotlights centered on one man with purple hair that shone in the limelight. The man was sitting in a leather chair facing away from Anakin; he was instead staring out over Coruscant from the wide window on the wall and singing.

Abruptly, a cow droid approached Anakin, a blaster held at the intruder's chest. "Halt!"

The man slowly swiveled his chair around. He smirked when he saw Anakin and the Sidekicks.

"I've been expecting you, Skywalker," he drawled. Anakin recognized that voice.

"Dooku," growled Anakin girlishly.

Glancing around quickly, he deduced that there were eight droids, all armed. Turning back to Dooku, Anakin asked, "How do you know who I am?"

Dooku laughed, and some of the Sidekicks hid behind Anakin because he was just too bright to look at. "I know what your secret identity is. I'm not stupid."

"Oh." Anakin said. He paused, and then threw out both arms. Cow droids flew across the room, bashing into the walls.

"SIDEKICKS STRIKE!" Luke declared, jumping forward. He tossed a handful of coffee beans he'd gotten before the house blew up at one cow droid.

The cow droid froze, the beans lodged into his joints. Luke kicked it over and started stomping on it. Meanwhile, Earlobe Lad had ducked his head and was charging around the room, trying to escape the NOISE! While he was attempting this, he was also knocking down several cow droids.

Ash had taken out some Pokéballs and was trying to throw them into the air, but every time he was about to release a Pokémon, a cow droid shot at him and he had to dive for cover.

Meanwhile, Charisma Kid, who had found his head again, was complimenting Dooku. Speedy was racing around the room, striking down cow droids so fast that they never knew what hit them, mainly because the droids couldn't think.

Anakin stood in the middle of the chaos, lightsaber ignited. He watched Dooku carefully as one by one his guards were knocked down. Finally, as Speedy crashed into the last droid and it clattered to the floor, Dooku smiled at Anakin.

"Goooooooooood. Veeeeeeeeeery gooooooooooooooood."

"That wasn't in the 'Become a Sith' ad," Luke whispered, terrified.

Dooku ignored Luke's comment. "You have trained the Sidekicks well," he cackled, "but now they will meet their match."

Dooku pressed a button on his chair, and two doors at the side of the room slid silently open. A small black-robed figure stepped into the room.

It moved furtively up to Dooku's chair and stopped in front of him. It bowed and then turned to the Sidekicks grouped in front of it. The figure threw back its hood. "PIKA!"

Ash gasped. "Pikachu!"

Dooku smirked. "This is no longer your petty friend. This is my Sith apprentice, Darth п."

Darth п stared coldly at the Sidekicks. "No! Pikachu!" Ash gasped.

"PIKACHU!!!!!" Darth п unleashed a thunder attack. The lightning bolts struck Ash and he fell to the floor. "PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" More lightning.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Ash screamed, curling up in a ball on the floor.

To add to the ruckus, Dooku was laughing evilly. Earlobe Lad couldn't take it any more. He ran from the room unnoticed.

Fifteen minutes later, Darth п got tired of zapping Ash. He turned on Charisma Kid. "PIKACHUU!"

The lightning coursed through Charisma Kid and he yelled in pain. His head fell off and rolled away, still screaming.

Next it was Anakin's turn. As the bolts hit him, he twitched madly but wouldn't give in. He wouldn't give Dooku and Darth п the satisfaction of seeing him scream!

As Anakin fell to his knees, the attack stopped. Darth п turned to Speedy. "PIKA-"

Abruptly, the window froze over. Darth п was distracted for a moment, and looked toward the window, confused.

"What are you waiting for?!" Dooku barked, "ZAP THEM!"

Darth п was about to comply when the ice shattered and a big, beautiful blue bird flew into the room.

"CAW!" she called, shooting another ice beam at the comatose cow droids. They too turned to ice.

"It's an Articuno," breathed Ash, awed.

Dooku stood up, looking extremely angry. He ignited his red lightsaber. However, the Articuno couldn't care less about him. She swooped down, snagged Darth п in her talons and soared back out the window.

In a split second, Ash came out of his trance. "PIKACHU!!!!" he yelled, charging out the window.

He pulled a stunt like Obi-Wan in The Attack of the Clones (how rude!) and grabbed onto Darth п. The Articuno squawked in indignation and then released the Pikachu. Ash and Darth п fell down several stories before crashing through the roof of a cargo cruiser carrying goats.

The Articuno flew away, dismissing the Pikachu and its trainer below as unimportant. However, the meeting had changed Ash and Pikachu's lives forever: now they would go to Dantooine and become goat farmers, never to hear of the Sidekicks, the Sith or the League of Big Justice again.

To be continued...

------------------------------

Author's Note: Yay! Articuno saves the day! (That's the only Pokémon I like, by the way).


	18. Thought This Story Was Barbie Free?

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Barbie, 'Breakaway' by Kelly Clarkson or McDonalds.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 18: Thought This Story Was Barbie-Free? MUA HA HA HA!**

After capturing Dooku and taking him to the Jedi Temple to stand trial with the Council, Anakin took the tired Sidekicks back to headquarters. He hoped the other super heroes could deal with them. He couldn't find Team Rocket, Misty or Brock, and he was too exhausted to really care about them.

Anakin drove the GMBJ relatively slowly to the spaceport. There he, Luke and Leia went to find a ship to take them to Naboo. Luke insisted that the ship had to have a coffee maker.

Finally, after scoping half of the spaceport, Anakin found the ONLY ship with a built-in coffee maker. Luke became very happy. Anakin asked the pilot, "How much to get to Naboo?"  
The pilot thought for several minutes. It looked like hard work. "Ten cents?" he finally suggested blankly. Anakin paid the pilot and got on board. He found his chair and plopped down. He was asleep in moments.

Meanwhile, the pilot prepared the ship for take off. Luke sat in the co-pilot seat, wearing his Coffee Lad uniform.

"Do I know you?" Luke inquired, staring at the pilot.

"Hmm," commented the pilot, thinking for ten more minutes. Then he revved the ship's engines and said, "No, I don't think I've ever met a boy in a brown spandex-look-alike suit."

"It is spandex," Leia piped up as the ship rose from the spaceport.

"Oh." The pilot focused on getting the ship through the crowded levels of Coruscant. He nearly missed hitting a cruiser, smashed through twenty 'SLOW' signs, and then finally brought the ship into space.

Leia sighed in relief and leaned back in her seat. Luke, who had been deep in thought, yelled, "I KNOW! YOU'RE THE GUY FROM THOSE HAIR SPRAY COMMERCIALS!"

The pilot screeched the ship to a halt. "LUKE!" Leia screamed.

The pilot stared at Luke thoughtfully for a long time. Several ships honked from behind them. "Right! The commercials for The Evil Kid Shows That Will One Day Rule The World Channel!"

Luke stared right back. "You're KEN!"

"That's right! Don't you just love food?" Ken removed the helmet that had been covering his incredibly handsome head and shook back his long, golden-blond hair.

Luke screamed. Leia got a look at Ken and screamed, too. Anakin finally woke up and shouted in a girly voice, "STOP THAT RACKET!"

"Ooh! I like tennis rackets! Where?" Ken asked, looking around wildly.

Luke jumped into Anakin's arms. "DAD! The pilot's KEN!"

"WHAT?!" Anakin gasped. If Ferus was the biggest jerk in the world, Ken was the biggest IDIOT in the world.

Anakin activated his lightsaber and held it at Ken's neck. "Step away from the controls," he snapped.

Ken backed away quickly, running into a chair and then the wall. He kept trying to back up, but went nowhere.

Anakin sat in the pilot's seat. "Leia, guard him," he ordered, turning the ship around and guiding it back to the spaceport. There he kicked Ken out of the ship and took off.

An hour later, Anakin landed the ship on Naboo. He docked the ship at the spaceport and headed purposefully toward the palace, but then realized that he didn't really know the way.

Anakin, Luke and Leia lined up by the road and signaled for a taxi. Each speeder that passed ignored them.

"Why do they hate us, Dad?" Luke whined.

Leia rolled her eyes. "We do look like a circus."

At that moment, a speeder screeched to a halt beside them. "LUKE? LEIA?" demanded a voice.

Anakin, Luke and Leia boarded the ship. Leia approached the cockpit and gasped, "HAN!? CHEWY!?"

"Hey," Han said brightly, waving. Leia and Luke quickly took seats in the cockpit. Anakin stood behind them and commanded, "Take us to Theed Palace."

Han nodded and stomped on the gas. The ship rocketed forward. Anakin stumbled backward but rapidly regained his balance, calling on the Force to keep himself steady.

"You're supposed to be sitting with your seatbelt fastened," Han shot over his shoulder as he jerked the speeder into a new lane.

Is this how I drive to the twins? Anakin wondered as Luke exclaimed, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Finally, the speeder stopped in front of the grand white-stone castle. Anakin, Luke and Leia staggered out. Han and Chewy followed.

"What are you doing?" demanded Anakin as the pilots followed him up the palace steps.

Han grinned, "We're coming. After all, we let you ride for free. We need a reward."

Anakin rolled his eyes and pushed open the door.

The faint sound of music floated down the hall. Anakin followed the noise into a side room, where a strange sight met his eyes: General Grievous was wearing a pink tu-tu and tap-dancing to the song 'Breakaway' by Kelly Clarkson.

Leia saw Grievous and applauded. "I taught him how to tap-dance," she whispered to Han, who was staring in shock.

"GENERAL GRIEVOUS!?" gasped Han.

The song ended, and Grievous approached the group. "I'm Gen Grievous now," he announced proudly. "Supporter of 'Love & Hugs for Everyone'."

He pointed to a purple badge on his chest that read 'Girl Power'. Anakin decided not to tell Gen Grievous that.

Luke looked up at Anakin. "Dad, can we go find Mom now?"

Anakin nodded and left Leia, Han and Chewy to deal with Grievous. He and Luke went to find the throne room.

The large wooden doors creaked open and Anakin and Luke entered, looking around in shock at the red and yellow room. At the head of the chamber were two golden arches, glowing faintly. A woman sat between them.

"Queen Apailana?" inquired Anakin, striding toward her throne.

The woman giggled girlishly. "I'm Queen Barbie, you pink man."

"It's GIRLY MAN!" screamed Luke.

Queen Barbie ate a McDonald's French fry. "What brings you to Naboo, Girly Man?"

"I'm looking for Queen Apailana and Padmé Skywalker," Anakin explained cautiously. Barbie was more cunning than Ken – and more rhyming.

Barbie laughed delicately. "They're not here, Girly Man dear. In the dungeons, find them you will." Then Barbie frowned. "That wasn't a rhyme!"

While Barbie thought this over, Anakin took out his lightsaber and ignited it. Barbie looked up when she heard the blade's humming.

Barbie frowned. "Oh, dear, security is near!"

Abruptly, two giant French fries that Anakin had dismissed as statues jumped forward and grabbed him. Two more headed for Luke.

Luke stared up at Anakin, horrified. "She's a cannibal!"

The French fries handcuffed their prisoners and led them from the room. Barbie sat back in her throne and laughed evilly.

To be continued...

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	19. The Reign of Barbie!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, McDonald's, Sidekicks or Barbie.

-----------------------------------

**Chapter 19: The Reign of Barbie!**

Meanwhile, Gen Grievous was teaching Leia, Han and Chewy how to tap-dance. It was a very complicated process, as Han seemed to have two left feet, and he kept stepping on Leia's toes.

"Ow!" Leia exclaimed for the 1000th time.

"Sorry," apologized Han again.

Leia stopped the music and sat on the floor, massaging her feet. "Luke and Anakin have been gone a long time," she noted.

"Maybe we should go check what's taking them so long," Han agreed, hoping that Leia wouldn't chop him in half or something.

Together, Leia, Han, Chewy and Grievous headed down the hall. Suddenly Leia sensed someone approaching with her acute Force sensitivity. She pulled her companions behind a pillar and they watched as a huge McDonald's French fry marched by.

"Follow him," Han hissed, and Leia tiptoed down the corridor after the fry. Han, Chewbacca and Grievous (using his supreme tap-dancing skills) trailed after her.

The group ducked into a side hall as the fry stopped in front of a pair of grand wooden doors. It knocked and waited. A moment later, a voice called sweetly, "Come in!"

Leia gasped, "I know that voice."

The fry opened the door and disappeared inside. Leia and Han exchanged a glance, and then Han stepped up to the doors and knocked.

"Yes?" the voice asked. Han pushed the doors open and he, Leia, Chewbacca and Grievous entered.

Leia stopped in her tracks. This was the most bizarre throne room she had ever seen! The walls were red and lined with more French fry guards. At the end of a long yellow carpet were two large arcs. The Queen sat in between the arches, but it wasn't Queen Apailana….

"BARBIE!?" Leia gasped, horrified.

"Smart girl, you will unfurl," Barbie cackled.

The amazingly beautiful and evil model stood. "Welcome to my reign, a reign of endless pain!" She spread her arms wide. "MCDONALD'S FOR EVERYONE!!"

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Leia screamed. She ignited her lightsaber. "PRINCESS LASS WILL NOT ALLOW IT!!!"

Han blinked. "Who's Princess Lass?"

Leia glared at him.

"Oh, it's YOU!" Han nodded in understanding.

Then Han got down to business. He pulled out a blaster and yelled, "You'll wish you were still lonely, Barbie!"

Barbie pointed one perfectly manicured finger at the group. "GET THEM!" she cried to the fries.

Instantly the French fries sprang forward. Chewy howled and punched one. A fry tried to squash Leia.

"LOVE & HUGS FOR EVERYONE, EXCEPT EVIL PEOPLE!" Grievous announced, brandishing four lightsabers. He rapidly dispatched Barbie's Evil Army of McDonald's French Fries, slicing and dicing through them. The fries sizzled, turned crisp and collapsed to the floor in bits.

Chewbacca howled.

"No, Chewy, you can't eat them," reprimanded Han.

Leia and Han approached Barbie, with Grievous and Chewy guarding their backs. Barbie seemed innocently defenseless…that is, until she smirked and pressed a button on her throne.

CLICK!

A hatch in the ceiling opened, and a humongous Big Mac tumbled out. "DUCK!" Gen Grievous ordered, holding all four lightsabers up. Leia, Han and Chewy covered their heads.

THUD!

The burger landed in four big chunks around the group. The floor vibrated from the impact. Leia breathed a sigh of relief and patted her part-droid, part-alien friend on the arm. "Thanks."

Barbie scoffed. "You may be too good for my Big Mac Crusher 2000™, but you're no match for…the McFlurry Monsters!"

Barbie flicked a switch, and a steel door opened. Three gigantic milkshakes stepped into the light. They had muscled arms and legs like pro wrestlers.

Leia, Han, Chewy and Grievous watched the McFlurry Monsters warily, certain that this was their doom. Then Leia noticed one monster walk into the one in front of it.

"They're blind!" Leia hissed to her companions. This gave her an idea. Drawing on the Force, she pointed to one of the Big Mac Crusher 2000™ quarters. It flew through the air and crashed into one of the monsters. The monster crashed into the next monster, and the two monsters started attacking the Big Mac and each other.

Meanwhile, Grievous flung a lightsaber at the third McFlurry. It stopped, trying to figure out what was sticking out of its stomach. Gen Grievous leapt forward and started stomping on the monster.

Barbie was trying to sneak surreptitiously away. However, Han and Chewy spotted her. Han raised his blaster and fired.

TSEEEW!

The blast hit Barbie and she died.

As soon as their master was gone, all the McFlurries deactivated and stood still. Han walked up to one and pushed it over. It clattered loudly to the floor and didn't respond. Han grinned at the others.

Leia smiled weakly and announced, "Now we have to find out where Luke and Anakin went."

"Hmm…." said Han thoughtfully. Chewy growled. "Not now, Chewy."

Chewbacca growled again, pointing to a trail of small brown beans on the floor. Leia knelt down next to one and sniffed it.

"Coffee," she breathed. "Coffee Lad."

"Huh?"

Leia turned to Han and patiently explained, "Luke left a trail of coffee beans for us to follow."

"Oh!" Han exclaimed, his face lighting up. "Right! Good old Luke."

They started to follow the beans out of the throne room.

Meanwhile, the Sidekicks were having a meeting on the steps of the league of Big Justice Headquarters of Big Justice. Speedy, Charisma Kid, Spice Girl, Boom Boy, Earlobe Lad, Spelling Beatrice, the REAL Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy, Exact Change Kid and Ketchup Kid were attending.

"Okay," Exact Change Kid announced, checking his Notebook of Big Justice. "Our next task is to clean the League of Big Justice Bathrooms of Big Justice."

Speedy sighed and put his head in his hands. "Why aren't we doing something useful, like, oh, maybe GOING AFTER THE PERSON WHO BLEW UP THE CLUBHOUSE!?"

"Because evil would expect us to do that," Exact Change Kid explained patiently. "We have to do the unexpected. And besides, it is useful. Do you want to have dirty, smelly bathrooms?"

"NO WAY!" Spice Girl cheered. The Sidekicks filed inside to continue their super heroic duty. Speedy just groaned and hit his head repeatedly on the doors.

To be continued...

-----------------------------


	20. Smarties Dont Necessarily Make One Smart

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Pirates of the Caribbean, American Idol, Smarties or The Princess Bride.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 20: Smarties Don't Necessarily Make One Smart (But Barbosa Thinks They Do!)**

Thirty minutes later, the Sidekicks finished cleaning all of the bathrooms in the League of Big Justice Headquarters of Big Justice. They congregated outside the building to figure out what their next job was.

Exact Change Kid flipped through his notebook. "Our next task is to find a replacement Sidekick for Pokémon Trainer Lad."

"My little sister!" Boom Boy suggested.

"We have to have proof that they have a super power," pointed out Speedy.

Boom Boy turned to Speedy angrily. "Oh, I see how it is. Don't let Boom Boy's sister join because we don't like Boom Boy. So that's how it's going to be, is it? Well then… I swear, I'll blow myself up!"

Boom Boy closed his eyes. He clenched his fists and his face flushed tomato-red. His whole body shook. The Sidekicks took an uneasy step back.

"Wow, he's really going to do it this time," Spice Girl whispered.

At that moment, a man with gold-streaked hair walked up. "Hello," he said. Then he noticed Boom Boy. "Um…is something wrong?"

"No," Speedy informed him, "Boom Boy's just threatening to blow himself up…again."

"Ah."

"Wait!" Boom Boy said, opening his eyes. "I get it now. I get it. You want me to blow up, don't you. Yeah. 'Cause once I do, I'll be gone and then there'll be no more Boom Boy to suggest his sister joins the Sidekicks."

"You're very redundant," the man with gold-streaked hair noted.

Seeing the threat of Boom Boy blowing up was gone, Exact Change Kid turned to the man. "Who are you?"

"I'm Ferus Olin, Jedi Knight," Ferus said. "I'm looking for a guy who's running around in a pink costume calling himself 'Girly Man'."

"Oh! You must mean Girly Man," Spice Girl cried brightly. "He's on Taboo because his house blew up."

"It's Baboo," Boom Boy argued.

"Naboo," sighed Speedy. "The planet."

"No, it's Baboo!"

"Baboo isn't a real planet, Boom Boy," Speedy explained.

Boom Boy glowered. "Oh, I see how it is. Don't listen to Boom Boy because he doesn't know anything. So that's how it's going to be, is it? Well then… I swear, I'll blow myself up!"

"Stop it, please," Spelling Beatrice sighed, stepping between Boom Boy and Speedy. "We've already gone through this enough times."

Boom Boy stopped trying to blow himself up. "Okay. So G.M.'s on some distant planet. Taboo or Naboo or whatever."

Ferus decided not to point out that it was indeed Naboo. "Do you know how long he'll be gone? The Jedi Council wants to send him on a mission with me to find this 'Asajj Ventress' person."

Exact Change Kid gasped, checked a detail in his Notebook of Big Justice, and gasped again. "SHE'S the one who blew up the Sidekicks Clubhouse of Meetingness!"

Boom Boy cracked his knuckles fiercely. "The Sidekicks will stop her…or I swear, I'll blow myself up!"

Ferus sighed. "I'm sorry, but this is a job for Jedi Knights only."

Exact Change Kid protested, "But Girly Man's a super hero! He'll let us come with him!"

"Yeah!" Boom Boy agreed.

Ferus sighed again. "Fine. You guys can come with me. We'll go contact Girly Man."

"Alright!" cheered Spice Girl, clapping her hands. The Sidekicks followed Ferus away from the League of Big Justice Headquarters of Big Justice.

Meanwhile, Leia, Han, Chewy and General Grievous trailed the coffee beans down into the bowels of Theed Palace.

"It's wet down here," Leia commented, sloshing through a puddle.

"Wet coffee," Han agreed. "Yuck."

Suddenly, Gen Grievous started tap-dancing. Leia was about to ask him to stop when Han hissed, "Listen!"

Leia paused and heard faint singing. Actually, it was so bad and off-key that it wouldn't even qualify by American Idol standards.

"Up, up can only go up from here! Up, up, up where the clouds gonna clear!"

Leia gasped, "That's Luke!" She raced down the corridor, sending up splashes of water. "Luke? LUKE?!"

Luke stopped singing. "Leia? Is that you?"

Leia skidded to a stop in front of a big barred cage. Luke, Anakin, Padmé and Queen Apailana sat inside. Luke stood up excitedly.

"Leia! Get us out of here!"

Leia examined the lock as Han, Chewy and Grievous approached. She took a step back and declared, "Don't try this at home."

She ignited her lightsaber and rapidly sliced open the door. As soon as Padmé was out of her prison, she glanced at Anakin sharply and scolded, "You taught her that, didn't you."

Anakin just looked at her innocently. Padmé sighed exasperatedly.

Queen Apailana spoke up. "All my palace workers and security force are down here as well."

Anakin nodded, "And our weapons are here somewhere, too."

Han took out his blaster. "Come on, G.M. Let's go find the weapons."

Anakin and Han headed down the hall. Meanwhile, Leia discovered the other cages lining the walls and began freeing all the captive Naboo.

A few minutes later, Anakin and Han returned, each carrying an armload of blasters. They began passing them out to the Naboo.

Meanwhile, in the New Secret Sith Headquarters (NSSH), Barbosa was eating his favorite treat: Smarties!

He had poured the Smarties into a huge bowl and was scooping them out with a spoon as he, Jack the monkey and Asajj Ventress watched The Princess Bride.

Barbosa crunched on a mouthful of chocolate as he cackled, "He's not left handed!"

Asajj grinned evilly. "I like to have two weapons instead of one."

"Good idea!" Barbosa agreed, shoveling more Smarties into his mouth and making a mental note to buy a second sword so he could duel with both hands. However, Barbosa was having too much fun watching the movie and soon forgot.

To be continued...

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Author's Note: Review please! I'll give you cookies:D


	21. What About M&Ms?

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Greased Lightnin' or Pirates of the Caribbean.

-----------------------------------------------

**Chapter 21: What About M&Ms?**

After the Naboo had retaken Theed Palace, it was time for Anakin, Padmé, Luke, Leia, and their adopted friend Gen Grievous to find a new place to stay.

"Nonsense," Padmé told Queen Apailana when she suggested they stay. "You need to get the palace reorganized - you don't need us getting in your way."

Reluctantly the queen agreed to Padmé's logic, and she ordered one of the palace workers to prepare a ship for the Skywalkers.

Fifteen minutes later, Anakin and Leia (now dressed in Jedi robes), Luke (dressed normally), Padmé and Gen Grievous were sitting in the cockpit of a royal starfighter.

"Wowcool," Luke kept saying, staring around at the controls. Leia was engrossed in her latest book: 'Chocolate Does Not Make You Smarter', Gen Grievous had put on the radio SUPER LOUD, and Padmé and Anakin were searching the ship's navigation computer for a place they could live temporarily.

"Tatooine?" suggested Padmé uncertainly, glancing at her husband.

"No. Too sandy."

Leia looked up from her book. "Are we going to visit Master Obi-Wan, Dad?"

"No. We're finding a place to live."

"CANDY PALACE!" Luke yelled, "I WANNA LIVE THERE!!"

Leia rolled her eyes. "Luke, there is no such thing as 'Candy Palace'."

"But I read a book about it!" protested Luke.

"Was it fiction?"

"What?"

Suddenly, a light blinked, indicating a transmission. Padmé pressed it and a hologram of Palpatine wearing his Senate robes appeared.

"Yes, Chancellor?" Padmé asked, hoping he wouldn't be offering to baby-sit the twins (not after the boxer incident!).

"I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU!" Palpatine shouted, enunciating slowly.

"What? Oh." Padmé reached over and shut off the music. Gen Grievous, who had been singing Greased Lightnin' at the top of his robotic lungs, complained, "Hey! No hugs for you!"

Padmé, however, paid no attention to her half-droid, half-alien friend. Grievous left the cockpit, probably to find somewhere to listen to his music and tap-dance to his heart's content.

"What is it, Chancellor?" inquired Padmé.

Palpatine smiled. His teeth looked horribly rotten and lethal to any poor cookies he might try to eat. "My friends, I have heard of your situation and I am here to help you. Your house blew up, did it not?"

"A Sith blew it up!" Luke piped up excitedly.

Palpatine blinked. "Ah. Yes. Very well. I am here to extend a generous offer. Would you and your family care to stay at my house while I get the Senate to construct you a new one?"

Padmé glanced at Anakin, Luke and Leia, surprised. "Um…." she said intelligently.

Luke jumped up from his seat. "Ooh! Do we getta visit Uncle Palpatine!?"

"He's not your uncle," Anakin grumbled under his breath.

Leia glanced disapprovingly at her brother. "'Getta' is not a word!"

Luke ignored Leia and rushed to the miniature hologram of Chancellor Palpatine. "Do we getta visit you!?"

Before Palpatine could respond, Padmé interrupted gently, "We need to think about this, Luke."

She turned back to the flickering transmission. "If you'll give us a moment, Chancellor."

Palpatine nodded and the hologram clicked off.

Darth Sidious (a.k.a. Palpatine) shut off his portable holoprojector, grinning insanely. Yes, Anakin Skywalker would walk right into his trap. And once he did, Darth Sidious would have the UTLAMIT apprentice, not some idiot like Darth Maul, Count Dooku, or Asajj Ventress. Darth Maul had been killed because of Dooku, and Dooku had gotten himself captured by the Jedi when he had tried to get himself an apprentice. And Dooku hadn't even done half the research Darth Sidious had!

Asajj Ventress…now THERE was a Sith. A pyromaniac Sith, but a Sith nonetheless. However, Asajj couldn't take directions from a Master. She had to be the one in charge. Now Darth Sidious was rid of her, as well.

Anakin Skywalker would make up for all of the mistakes of his previous apprentices, Darth Sidious thought greedily. He rubbed his hands together and cackled.

"MUA HA HA HACK!"

Okay, maybe he would have to work on that. Palpatine took out his 'You da woman' journal and wrote:

_Deer Diry,_

_Worck on evil lahg._

_-Darthy Poo_

Then Darth Sidious called his elite cow droids (the Marshmallow Men) and ordered them to bring him a decalf latte with extra foam and M&Ms NOW.

Having come to a decision, Padmé called up Palpatine's number. The blue image surfaced, displaying Palpatine sitting in his big, comfy red chair and sipping a cup of coffee.

"Ah, Senator Amidala. Have you come to a conclusion?" Palpatine asked casually, sipping his coffee. Suddenly he spat out the mouthful, snarling, "THEY FORGOT THE M&MS!!!"

"M&Ms don't make you smarter," Leia informed him intelligently.

"I KNOW that. SMARTIES make you smarter. DUH."

Leia was about to protest when Padmé stepped back in. "Chancellor, we decided to accept your offer. We'll be at your apartment in a few hours."

Palpatine waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, not my apartment. It's drab, dull and under renovations. Come to my home at 123 Sith avenue."

This sparked Luke's memory, and he thought hard, but he couldn't to find why this seemed so familiar.

The hologram disappeared, and Anakin stepped up to the pilot's seat. "123 Sith avenue, beware the power of GIRLY MAN!"

Padmé gave him a strange look. "You aren't going to attack Chancellor Palpatine's house, are you?'

Anakin shook his head. "No. But I have to practice, in case we WERE attacking evil's house."

"Ookay."

Anakin punched in the coordinates for Coruscant, and then he started up the ship's engines. Leia bucked up her seatbelt. Luke hopped around the cockpit like a hyper rabbit until Padmé managed to strap him into his seat.

Meanwhile, Gen Grievous was practicing some VERY advanced tap-dancing techniques in the back of the ship. He was dancing to the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song.

CLCIKITY CLICKITY CLACK, went his heels as he tapped them together while prancing across the room. His pink skirt swirled around him.

Suddenly, the ship jolted forward, and Grievous tripped over his own feet. He fell to the floor in a heap.

"Grrr," he growled, extremely upset that someone had ruined his presentation. Slowly, Grievous tried to stand. However, his cape was tangled around his legs and he smashed into the ground again.

With a grunt of pain, he raised his head and yelled, "Help! SOME-cough, cough-ONE HELP!"

To be continued...

---------------------------------

Review please!


	22. PALPATINE'S UTLAMIT HOUSE!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Harry Potter, 'Soak Up the Sun' by Sheryl Crow, Sidekicks, Pokémon, or 'Breakaway' by Kelly Clarkson.

Author's Note: Yes, I know 'ultimate' is spelled wrong. It's supposed to be that way :P

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**Chapter 22: PALPATINE'S UTLAMIT HOUSE!!**

Two hours later, Anakin landed the Naboo starfighter outside a strange-looking house. Padmé, Gen Grievous, Leia, Luke and Anakin walked down the ship's ramp, staring up at the two-story house painted in a vibrant pink.

"Are we at the right place?" Padmé wondered timidly.

Luke stopped beside a sign planted in the ground and replied, "Of course! See, it says here on the sign."

Leia frowned at the sign. "'Palpatine's Utlamit House'? That's not how you spell 'ultimate'!"

At that moment, the door burst open and an elite Marshmallow Man strode out. He looked like a clone trooper wearing a blue cape, except instead of the regular masked face he had a large, oblong white marshmallowy head.

"Hey dudes!" cried the Marshmallow Man, rushing forward to greet the visitors. "My Master is expecting you."

Luke whispered to his sister as the Marshmallow Man led them to the door, "Why does his head look like a snow ball?"

Leia rolled her eyes. "It's a marshmallow. He's one of the Marshmallow Men."

"Whozzat?"

Leia recited, "After the war, the Republic confiscated the Trade Federation's battle droids. The Republic made new, more peaceful versions of the droids: cow droids. The Marshmallow men are the most elite of the cow droids. Didn't you read 'Droids: A Documentary'?"

Luke just looked confused. Leia answered her own question. "Of course you haven't! It was in a boxed set with 'Hogwarts: A History'."

"Zzzzz," Luke commented.

The Marshmallow Man gestured the Skywalkers and Gen Grievous inside. They walked silently down a long, dark hall. Luke looked at the stone walls covered with elaborate portraits of Palpatine in awe.

"Leia, Uncle Palpatine's famous!" he gasped.

"He is not your uncle," growled Anakin.

At that moment, they reached a pair of wooden doors. The Marshmallow Man pushed them open and waited for the Skywalkers to enter.

Anakin peered around as he walked in and saw a big, red comfy chair in the center of the room. The rest of the room was dark as well. Soft ominous music played in the background.

The chair's inhabitant stood up and held his arms wide to welcome his visitors. It was Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin noted with relief that Palpatine was wearing his Senate robes. "WELCOME TO MY UTLAMIT HOUSE!" Palpatine cried.

"Yay!" Luke supplied.

Palpatine snapped his fingers (or at least tried to) and the Marshmallow Man flicked a switch on the wall.

PSHOOOM!

Suddenly, windows opened all around the circular chamber. The bright light filtered in, bringing life to the dark room.

The Marshmallow Man touched another switch, and the music turned off. In another moment, it blared again, but with a completely different, light-hearted tune.

"I'M GONNA SOAK UP THE SUN!" Palpatine started doing a funky dance. "Oh yeah!"

He gestured to the Skywalkers and Gen Grievous as he danced out of the room. Padmé exchanged a glanced with Anakin before following.

The next room was very similar to the first, with a red chair in the center. This one had red-tinted spotlights shining down onto it, and around the room were ornate red decorations on pedestals. The music still rang out from red speakers set around the chair.

"This is the Red Room," Palpatine declared over the ruckus. "Don't you just love the color red?"

"I like pink," Leia clarified as she and the others passed through the next doorway.

This room was eerily quiet, humming only with the same sinister music. There was a huge red bed that looked similar to the red chairs, and the walls were all a dark blood red.

Palpatine bounced up on the bed. "Yeah I'm gonna soak up the sun!"

"He could use some sun," Luke commented. Padmé nudged him. "Shh."

After a few minutes, Palpatine stopped jumping on his bed. He paused for a moment and then exclaimed, "OH! You need me to show you to your rooms."

Palpatine guided his guests out of his bedroom and back into the first room. He led them down a different corridor, which opened up in the kitchen.

"WOW COOL!" gasped Luke, looking around at the millions of cow droids bustling about, making food. A cow droid approached, holding out a tray of what appeared to be blueberry, cheese and ice cream muffins. Luke picked one of the offered muffins and bit into it.

"Hmm. Needs more coffee."

Padmé turned accusingly to her son. "LUKE!"

But already the droid had moved off. It reappeared a moment later, balancing another muffin on a second tray. Luke tasted the muffin and gasped. "WOW COOL AWESOME! Mom, look! A coffee muffin!"

Anakin turned to the droid. "Can you bring me a pizza with everything on it?!"

The droid disappeared and returned with a gigantic pizza. It set down the food in front of Anakin. The Jedi's mouth watered.

The pizza had all the imaginable toppings: cheese, anchovies, pepperoni, etc. However, mixed in were strange things like coffee beans, spaghetti noodles, mint leaves and cat food.

Padmé peered at the pizza uncertainly. "Well, the cow droid took you literally."

"Yeah…." Anakin commented with his mouth full of pizza.

Padmé rolled her eyes and dragged Luke and Anakin away from the kitchen. Palpatine took them down a hall lined with vibrant orange pylons. Leia stopped to read one and wondered, "What's 'Beware the GHGB'?"

At the end of the hallway were three doors. "Your rooms, sunny!" Palpatine announced.

Padmé took the middle door and dragged Anakin inside. Leia looked at her brother disgustedly before sighing, "Come on, Luke." She and Luke took the left door. Gen Grievous entered the remaining door. Palpatine wandered off, humming to himself.

Leia and Luke walked up a short flight of stairs and then arrived in their new bedroom.

"Wowcool," Luke breathed, looking around.

There were two four-poster beds with royal red curtains, a table with a huge plate of cookies, a statue of that looked a lot like Pokémon Trainer Lad (he had a pink cape tied around his shoulders), a closet, a stereo with multiple speakers and a swimming pool. Luke immediately went to change the music, while Leia took off her brown cloak and headed to the closet to store it.

As she pulled open the door, a boy wearing a red uniform stepped out. "Hi!" he said, running a hand through his messy jet-black hair.

"Who are you?" Leia demanded, drawing her lightsaber.

"I'm Potter Boy," Potter Boy said matter-of-factly in a British accent, pointing to the glittering gold letters on his chest that read, 'Potter, number 4'.

"HELLO!" called Luke, rushing over as the stereo boomed the first notes of 'Breakaway'.

Leia grabbed Potter Boy by the arm and dragged him down the stairs. As she opened the door to the pylon hallway, a boy in green robes approached.

"It's Greasy-Haired Git Girl," Potter Boy spat.

Greasy-Haired Git Girl glared at Potter Boy. "I'm Greasy-Haired Git BOY, thank you very much, Potty."

"POTTER BOY!" Luke yelled helpfully.

A boy with red hair appeared. "HEY! MALFOY, EAT SLUGS!" he screamed at Greasy-Haired Git Boy.

"Slugs are disgusting," Luke commented.

A girl with bushy brown hair leaped in front of the red-haired boy. "NO! Weasy Kid!"

Weasy Kid lowered the brown stick he had been pointing at Greasy-Haired Git Boy. "Fine, Book Worm Lass," he sighed.

"Are you Sidekicks?" Leia interrupted.

Book Worm Lass turned to Leia, grinning brightly. "Yes, we are! Of course, that means we're only junior super heroes…."

Luke piped up, "We're Sidekicks too! I'm Coffee Lad, and this is my sister Princess Lass!"

"And what's your super power?" Greasy-Haired Git Boy asked sarcastically.

"I have Coffee Powers!" Luke declared proudly. He pointed to Leia. "And she has the power to shut anyone up!"

Greasy-Haired Git Boy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."

At that moment, Gen Grievous burst out of his room, singing and tap-dancing to 'Breakaway'. He didn't see the Sidekicks and accidentally ran over Greasy-Haired Git Boy. The Sidekick was crushed to the ground like a pancake.

Luke grinned triumphantly. "SEE!?"

To be continued...

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Review, please!


	23. OH NO! It's the BACKYARDIGANS!

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own the Backyardigans, Star Wars, Sidekicks, MuggleNet, 'Up!' by Shania Twain, 'Home' by Michael Buble, Pokemon, or Tarzan.

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**Chapter 23: OH NO! It's the BACKYARDIGANS!**

Meanwhile, the Sidekicks were sitting in Ferus's ship, trying to get an answer from Anakin's comlink. They had been trying for hours without a response. The Sidekicks were all getting quite bored.

Pumpkin Pete suddenly entered the ship. "Hey, Spuddy! Get me a coffee!"

Speedy sighed. "It's Speedy!" he explained exasperatedly.

"Whatever," Pumpkin Pete said dismissively.

Meanwhile, Luke, Leia, Potter Boy, Weasy Kid and Book Worm Lass headed to the kitchen, leaving the pancake-atized Greasy-Haired Git Boy to fend for himself. "He was a git anyway," Weasy Kid had explained. Leia was very happy, as she had discovered that their newfound friends were from Hogwarts School of Big Justice, the school she had read about. The school of Sidekicks was on the planet MuggleNet.

The group entered the busy kitchen and immediately a cow droid approached.

"I want coffee!" Luke ordered.

Leia sighed. "Please," she told the droid pointedly.

The droid moved off and brought Luke a giant streaming coffee cup. Luke held the cup gingerly like it was his child.

Potter Boy turned to the droid. "How about some blueberry pie?"

"Some pumpkin juice, too, please," Book Worm Lass said politely.

Weasy Kid added, "And ice cream!" He blushed, looking over at Book Worm Lass. "Two spoons."

"I want ice cream too!" Luke piped up, sipping his coffee. The droid walked away before they could request something else.

When the cow droid came back, it was loaded down with trays. Potter Boy took his pie, Luke and Weasy Kid took ice cream and everyone got their drinks.

Leia looked around and commented, "A table and chairs would be nice, too."

The droid wheeled over the requested wooden items, and the group of Sidekicks sat down. Weasy Kid and Book Worm Lass sat together, sharing the ice cream.

"I love Uncle Palpatine," Luke announced, pouring pumpkin juice into his coffee.

Leia sighed. "Luke. He. Is. Not. Your. Uncle."

"That's right! He's my aunt!"

Leia groaned and hit her head on the table. A cow droid brought her an aspirin.

Five minutes later, Luke was finishing his fifteenth cup of coffee. He deposited the empty mug on the table and exclaimed, "YEAH! UP, UP, UP, CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE!"

Potter Boy wiped the blueberries off his face. "They make good pie," he commented.

Leia watched her brother worriedly, wondering what the coffee overload would do to him. Weasy Kid and Book Worm Lass were at the other end of the table, kissing.

Meanwhile, Speedy went down to the coffee shop on the corner to buy Pumpkin Pete a coffee. When he got there, Pumpkin Pete was already in line.

"You were too slow," Pete chastised. "I thought your super power was super speed!"

"It is!" Speedy protested.

Pete shook his head as if feeling sorry for Speedy's stupidity. Then the line moved forward, and Pete asked, "So, got any change?"

Speedy sighed and rummaged through his pockets.

Fifteen minutes later, Pete and Speedy reached the front of the line. Pete finally got his coffee and the two of them exited the coffee shop.

"I'm reporting them to the League of Big Justice!" Pete complained, looking into his coffee cup. "They even forgot the Smarties!"

Unfortunately, Pete was not looking up, so he didn't see the giant blue bird swooping down. It was the Articuno. And even if Pete didn't like plain coffee, the Articuno did.

"CAW!" cried the Articuno, bringing her talons forward to snatch Pete's coffee.

"NOOO!!!" yelled Pete, holding his coffee cup to his chest.

The Articuno released a stream of ice, freezing Pete into an ice cube. Then the Articuno grabbed the coffee and swooped off.

Speedy stood, trying to figure out what to do. Then he raced back to the ship to get help.

As Speedy burst inside an opened his mouth to announce what had happened, Charisma Kid's head flew at him, screaming. The head hit Speedy hard and the Sidekick fainted. Charisma Kid's head bounced down the ramp and rolled away outside. Charisma Kid ran after it.

Suddenly, the hologram transmitter flickered, and a blue image of Padmé appeared. "We're through!" Ketchup Kid, who had been monitoring the holoprojector, cried. Earlobe Lad cowered on the floor.

"Hello?" Padmé wondered. All the Sidekicks (minus Speedy and Charisma Kid) crowded around to see.

Abruptly, an off-screen voice yelled, "PIZZA! MUST HAVE PIZZA!"

Padmé turned and warned, "No, Annie!" She ran out of sight. The Sidekicks heard a door slam and then silence.

They waited a moment, but Padmé didn't return. "She'd better come back or I'll…I'll blow myself up!" Boom Boy threatened.

Ketchup Kid held up a hand. "Wait. I'll track the call."

Ketchup Kid (secretly the junior bounty hunter Boba Fett) ducked under the holoprojector and fiddled with the wires.

As the Sidekicks watched with interest, a screen popped up where the holographic image should be. It was a map of Coruscant. A small flashing light indicated where the message had come from.

Ferus thought quickly. "They're by the Senate. We'll fly over there and see if we can find them."

He sat in front of the controls and prepared the ship for takeoff.

"Shouldn't we wait for Charisma Kid?" Spice Girl inquired nervously.

"His head will just fall off again," Boom Boy said intelligently.

Without another delay, the ship lifted off the landing pad and it joined a crowded space lane, on a mission to find the Skywalkers and Asajj Ventress.

Down below, Charisma Kid put his head back on and attached it with glue. He saw the ship leaving and he glowered. "I hate Girly Man and Boy-with-the-Gold-Streaked Hair Man," he said to no one in particular.

Meanwhile, Anakin raced toward the kitchen. The cow droids had made EXCELLENT pizza and he wanted more. Padmé charged after him, trying to stop her husband from eating too much pizza.

In the pylon hallway, Gen Grievous was tap-dancing to the latest song Palpatine was playing super-loud: Home by Michael Buble.

"I wanna go hooooooooome," Gen Grievous sang.

Anakin steered around the robot/alien and opened one of the two doors at the other end of the corridor. He stepped out into a small backyard.

Anakin blinked in shock at the small creatures swinging by on long vines singing, "WE'RE TARZAN, WE'RE TARZAN!"

Padmé screeched to a halt beside Anakin and gasped. She fainted because the small creatures were…BACKYARDIGANS!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Anakin screamed girlishly, taking a step back.

To be continued...

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Review please!


	24. The End of Insanity

**The Pizza Marathon**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Sidekicks, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Pokemon, or the Backyardigans.

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**Chapter 24: The End of Insanity**

Inside the kitchen, Luke, Leia, Potter Boy, Book Worm Lass and Weasy Kid heard a scream. Potter Boy leaped up from his seat. "Don't worry, damsel in distress!" he cried giddily as he ran for the door, "I'll save you!"

Weasy Kid and Book Worm Lass drew their wands and followed Potter Boy. Luke and Leia ran to catch up.

The group emerged outside in the back yard. Potter Boy was standing a few feet in front of them, staring in horror because it hadn't been a girl screaming. It had been Anakin Skywalker, a.k.a. Girly Man. And there were Backyardigans EVERYWHERE!

A Backyardigan wearing a hat landed in front of Weasy Kid and said brightly, "Hi! I'm a Backyardigan!"

Weasy Kid fainted. Potter Boy looked like he had seen a Dementor and fainted. Book Worm Lass almost withstood the Backyardigans' power, but then there was a rumble of thunder and it began to rain.

The Backyardigan pulled out an umbrella and opened it over his head. He didn't even bother to share with his fellow Backyardigans! This was too much for Book Worm Lass and she fainted.

Luke took out a handful of coffee beans. "COFFEE POWERS, ACTIVATE!" he cried, throwing the beans at the Backyardigan. However, his coffee high made his aim truly horrible and he missed by about a mile.

Leia looked around at all the Backyardigans. There was no way she and Anakin could defeat them alone!

At that moment, a troop of Marshmallow Men stepped outside. They quickly surrounded Leia, Anakin and their comatose companions.

"We have orders to take you to Captains Barbosa and Asajj Ventress," one Marshmallow Man informed them.

Leia knew they had lost. She held up her hands and allowed the Marshmallow men to march her into the house. The Marshmallow Men collected the others and followed. In the pylon hall, the Marshmallow Men captured Gen Grievous. Then the troop brought the group silently through the first red chair room and down a long stairwell. As they marched deeper into the house, it became damp and colder. The walls turned to solid rock.

Finally, they emerged into a wide cavern. Leia gasped as she saw stacks of valuables lining the walls. There must have been enough gold to fill the Senate!

She turned her attention to the center of the room where there was a raised platform with a box on it. The case was carved with ornate, spooky designs. Leia shivered slightly and walked on.

The Marshmallow Men herded Leia, Gen Grievous and Anakin to the cleared area in front of the box. They deposited the others beside them.

Leia looked around cautiously, wondering what would happen next.

Suddenly, three people stepped out of the shadows. The first person was cackling evilly. They had a long neck and white eyes. It was Asajj Ventress. The next was Barbosa, leading a man with a sign around his neck that read, 'Will Turner: Do Not Eat'. He was wearing a feathered hat.

Barbosa approached the box and pushed the cover off. Leia couldn't see what was inside, but it made Asajj laugh even louder. The sound made the others begin to wake up.

Barbosa opened his arms wide and announced, "Welcome! Today you will give blood sacrifices so I can become human again!"

Leia blinked. Luke raised his head and wondered, "You're not human?"

Barbosa glared down at his prisoners. "I'm an undead pirate, you idiot!"

Then Barbosa turned to Asajj. "First, Mr. Will Turner." The pirate cackled.

As Asajj dragged Will toward the box, a voice rang out, "SIDEKICKS STRIKE!"

Speedy, Ketchup Kid, Boom Boy, Ferus, Spelling Beatrice, Exact Change Kid, Spice Girl and Earlobe Lad raced down the stairs. There was a BUMP, BUMP, BUMP, and then Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy rolled out, looking dizzy.

Barbosa just laughed. "Pitiful Sidekicks! You can't stop us!"

Suddenly, a gigantic golden medallion emblazoned with a skull-and-cross-bones fell from the ceiling. With a loud THUD, it landed on top of Ferus.

"HAHAHAHA!" Barbosa and Anakin laughed. Then Barbosa realized Anakin was laughing and turned to him angrily. "I SQUISH YOU NOW!"

The Marshmallow Men pulled Anakin toward the box. The box was filled with miniature medallions. Barbosa drew his sword.

"You don't want to do that, mate," Will commented. Barbosa stopped his dramatic moment and turned to Will.

"And why would that be?" snapped Barbosa.

"Because the entire royal navy fleet is floating just outside the door." Will said this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"WHAT?!" Barbosa yelled.

"HE MEANS THAT I'LL BLOW UP!" Boom Boy screamed, rushing toward Barbosa.

Abruptly, Boom Boy stopped, floating in midair.

"HEY!" he cried angrily. "PUT ME DOWN OR I'LL…I'LL BLOW MYSELF UP!"

"Kinda counterproductive, don't you think?" Ferus commented casually, using the Force to fly Boom Boy back to his place with the group.

"What-HOW!" Barbosa demanded, glaring at Ferus. Anakin pouted.

Ferus smiled. "I'm an undead pirate."

"BUT YOU CAN'T BE AN UNDEAD PIRATE UNLESS YOU TOUCH A MEDALLION!" Barbosa screeched.

Ferus pointed to the giant medallion.

"Oh…" Barbosa commented weakly, mostly because he had overused his voice. Normal voices weren't meant to scream so loud.

Luke ran toward the huge medallion. He poked it and exclaimed, "WHEE! I'M AN UNDEAD PIRATE!"

"Luke! Get back here!" Padmé cried.

Ferus wandered over to a pile of gold and picked up a sword. Barbosa was extremely angry and he jumped down toward Ferus, holding his sword. Asajj Ventress ignited both of her lightsabers.

Book Worm Lass slipped away from the others and raised her wand. "STUPEFY!"

A red jet of light hit Asajj Ventress and she fell down into the endless pit behind the box and died.

The End.

Okay, not really.

Barbosa swung his sword hard at Ferus. Ferus blocked and stepped back. This allowed Speedy to run by and snag Barbosa's weapon.

The pirate blinked in confusion, looking down at his hand. Then he ran away from the duel. He scampered halfway up a pile of gold before Book Worm Lass hit him with a curse.

Barbosa fell back to the ground. He looked around wildly and charged toward the box. Will snuck up behind Barbosa and pushed him over the edge of the pit. Barbosa stumbled and fell down.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Barbosa could be heard screaming.

For a long moment the group stood, listening to the pirate's fading cry.

"That was random," Book Worm Lass commented randomly.

"Let's go," Padmé said curtly, taking Luke and Leia by the arms. She started up the stairs. The Sidekicks, Ferus, Anakin, Will, Gen Grievous and the Hogwarts Sidekicks followed.

Once in the main red chair room, Padmé headed toward the exit. A malicious laugh stopped her in her tracks.

Palpatine sat in his red chair, wearing a black hooded robe. He grinned at his visitors and said, "So Asajj failed…again." He stood up. "But I will not."

"Uncle Palpatine's a Sith!" gasped Luke.

"Smart boy," Palpatine drawled. Leia pouted.

Palpatine raised his hands, preparing to shoot Force lightning at Anakin. Just then, there was a bang on the door. Palpatine paused.

The door burst open and Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon charged in. "Look out, Sith!" Obi-Wan threatened, igniting his lightsaber.

Palpatine cackled. "What are you going to do, Padawan?"

"I'M A JEDI MASTER!" Obi-Wan yelled. He grabbed a mop from a cow droid that was cleaning the floor.

Obi-Wan leaped at Palpatine and slapped him with the mop. Palpatine zapped Obi-Wan with lightning. He laughed when Obi-Wan twitched. Palpatine prepared to repeat his attack when the nearest window shattered.

An Articuno flew in with a shriek. It was the same Articuno who had changed Ash and Pikachu's fates and stolen Pumpkin Pete's coffee.

The Articuno shot an ice beam at Palpatine. He turned into a block of ice. The Articuno swept forward and grabbed the Palpatine-sicle. She turned and flapped back out the window with her prize. The Sith Lord was never to be seen again.

After the eventful day, the Sidekicks, Ferus, Anakin, Padmé, Luke, Leia, Will, Gen Grievous, Potter Boy, Weasy Kid, Book Worm Lass, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon went across the street to Yoda's Café.

The sign planted outside read, 'Café, I have'. This made Luke giggle insanely.

The group put several tables together and sat down. Yoda stumped over, leaning on his stick. "Want what do you?" he asked.

"Coffee!" Luke exclaimed, laughing.

"Coffee, we have," Yoda noted.

Potter Boy requested, "A round of butterbeer!"

The group was enjoying their drinks of butterbeer (or coffee). Luke kissed his coffee cup. Weasy Kid and Book Worm Lass were also kissing.

Obi-Wan clinked his lightsaber hilt against his glass of butterbeer, making a sound like wedding bells. Gen Grievous started tap-dancing to the sound. Luke held up his cup and cried, "I do!"

Padmé sighed, "Luke, you can't marry your coffee cup."

"Awwwww."

Meanwhile, unnoticed by the others, Potter Boy kissed his girlfriend, the super-sidekick Ginny Winny.

Yoda watched his customers. "Strange they are," he commented. "Glad they are not my Padawans, I am."

Luke snuck up on Yoda. He leaped in front of the diminutive Jedi Master. "PLEASE let me be a Jedi!"

Yoda gasped in horror. "NO!" he yelled, rushing out of the Café. Luke sat on the floor sadly, hugging the coffee cup.

The End

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Random and weird, I know.

The Pizza Marathon has finally ended. Go home, you will.


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